On a Soapbox

I'm gonna get on a soapbox here for a minute.

I'm not one to usually do so, as I hate confrontation and I hate stepping on people's toes. But I've seen a lot of things circling around online, and I've heard and had a lot of conversations recently with people about health and exercise...and I feel like something needs to be said that keeps being avoided in these conversations.

But first, here's a little background information.

For those that don't know, I decided to get healthy last year. I've been struggling with chronic neck and back pain for three years now. I have undergone many different tests and procedures and seen lots of different specialists to try and fix what's wrong...and nothing has worked. So I decided to look online and see if there were other things I could do to help myself out. One of the things I discovered was that certain foods that we eat can aggravate or create inflammation in the body. Some of the biggest culprits were preservatives and ingredients found in processed and fast foods. Too much processed sugar and fatty foods can be bad as well. So, I made the decision to change my eating habits to try and improve my condition.

As a result, I was able to lose some weight over a period of six months.

I wasn't perfect in my eating habits and I definitely "cheated" quite a bit, but I stayed away from the majority of the foods that could possibly make me feel worse.

I never looked at it as a diet. I never felt like I was depriving myself of anything. I just replaced some of my favorite foods (Jack in the Box tacos, Coke, ice cream) with some that were a lot better for me (fish, green tea, fruit).

I consulted one of my friends, who is a personal trainer and who has studied a lot about nutrition, on some things I should incorporate into my diet that would be good for my body. I learned to love eating healthier foods and noticed a lot of positive side effects in my life.

Unfortunately, my new healthy habits did not take away my chronic pain and mobility issues.

Since then, I've discovered essential oils and found some that have helped so much with my pain. I used to take 600 mg of ibuprofen every night before bed, just so I could fall asleep comfortably. Now, I just rub on some oils and I'm good to go.

The essential oils company has a candida cleanse program, that is also supposed to help get rid of inflammation in the body. You pair the pills with a strict diet to see if you can get rid of a possible candida overgrowth in your body. Since I thought my pain might be associated with candida, I decided to give it a shot.

Notice anything here? My purpose for changing my eating habits had nothing to do with wanting to be a certain size or wanting to look a certain way. It had everything to do with wanting to be a healthier, pain-free person (of which the latter I still haven't achieved).

Time to get on the soapbox.

I'm seeing a lot of stuff circling around about these "magic" shakes that will help you lose weight or these exercise programs that are supposed to make you look like a body builder. And while all of those things are fine and dandy if you're into that sort of thing, there is a huge problem that I see and hear when most people talk about them: it's all about image.

We live in a world where everyone shares everything on social media. I know way more about people then I would like to. Including oftentimes what they've eaten that day, if they're angry with their spouse, if their cat ruined their new curtains...again, and even the new shoes they just got on clearance. Don't get me wrong, I care about people and I care about what's happening in their lives...but our oversharing on social media can get a bit out of hand.

And one of those areas I feel we have to be extra careful about is concerning our health and our weight. Hear me out: I'm not saying I don't care if you're trying to live a healthier lifestyle, because I do. I'm all about taking care of our bodies, as the Bible calls them our temples, because the Holy Spirit dwells within us. It's important that we take care of ourselves so we can be useful for doing what God has called us to do. What I am saying is that we need to be careful that our desire to be healthy does not become an unhealthy obsession...and that we aren't making people feel bad about themselves.

When I first started to change the way I was eating last year, I used this app to track all the food I was eating. I made sure to enter everything in so I could see that I was eating the right amount of calories and to make sure I wasn't having too much fat or sugar each day. While it was incredibly helpful for me to be able to see all of that, it became too much after awhile. I started worrying more about numbers than about being healthy. So I had to take a step back and stop using it. I had been eating differently for a few months at that point, so I was pretty good at discerning what foods were best and which ones weren't. And let me tell you, it was so freeing not to have to worry about entering in every last food item I ate each day.

I also made a point not to share too much with people about what I was doing. Not because I wasn't excited about getting healthier and taking better care of my body, because I was, but because I didn't want it to be about me. People started to notice that I was losing weight and would make comments. And while of course those comments made me feel good, I didn't want those comments to fuel my life. My only goal was to be healthier to try and help myself feel better and I didn't want people's praise to make me lose sight of that.

I've heard some comments lately from people around me about how they are "fat" or they feel like they need to lose "xx" lbs because they are so "overweight". And while people always say those kinds of things, it makes me nervous when it comes from young girls or after someone's had a conversation with a person who's on a diet. We compare ourselves pretty harshly to those around us; it's human nature. If I'm feeling insecure about myself and a friend tells me that she's never had a zit in her life, it's gonna sting a little and make me feel like crap because I'm 29 and still get zits. If I'm feeling unloved and I overhear someone talking about how happy they are to have lost 5 lbs when they are way tiny to begin with, it just might make me decide I'm fat and need to stop eating for a few weeks to get rid of all this "extra weight" I'm carrying.

I know we can't control other people's actions and I know that sometimes our excitement or passion can make people feel bad without us meaning for that to happen...but we need to be conscience of the people around us. We do need to think when we are in a group of people talking about an accomplishment of any kind, am I going to make someone feel bad for saying this? Our words can wound someone or make someone's mood change in an instant, and we need to be aware of what we are saying.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made...whether we weigh 500 lbs or whether we have skin that never stops breaking out. We are fearfully and wonderfully made...whether our pants still fit or whether we made a big mistake at work. We are fearfully and wonderfully made...whether we feel like we are the ugliest person on the planet or whether we have a bad hair day. We are fearfully and wonderfully made...whether we exercise or not. We are fearfully and wonderfully made...even if we eat McDonald's 24/7.

I'm not trying to call anyone out or make anyone feel bad, as I am so guilty of these things myself. I am sorry for making anyone feel less than because their accomplishments in life might be different than mine...or because I'm excited about something good in my life that you might still be struggling with. I just think we need to think about our audience before we post things on social media. Is it wise to discuss weight loss with young, impressionable girls? Is it ok to make people feel bad because they don't eat healthy foods or exercise as much as we do?

Some things are better left unsaid. And even better, some things are better left off Facebook.

Motherhood

Today is no different than any other day of the year...and yet it is.

I've been off birth control for over five years now. My journey has had many ups and downs, but thankfully, the ups have been most frequent in the past couple of years.

I look back sometimes on those first few years, in the moments where I thought getting pregnant would be "easy", and I smile at that naive version of myself. Of course the possibility of it being hard was in my mind, but not in the forefront. I figured I would have a baby in my arms within a year or two of trying.

But even though I'm past the days of obsessing over getting pregnant and trying to figure out when I'm ovulating, Mother's Day is still a hard day. And this year, I don't even feel like it's so much a hard day for me...it's a hard day for some people I love very much (and for some people I don't even know).

Someone very dear to me experienced an incredibly difficult loss last year. She carried a baby for nine months that she was only able to hold for a few minutes while she was alive.

A sweet friend's sister is never going to be able to carry her own children, because the cancer took that ability away from her.

A woman I only "know" from the blogging world and on Instagram lost her son in such a tragic way a little over a week ago.

Mother's Day can be incredibly painful.

So today, I not only honor the mothers in my life who have physical children here on this earth, who have raised amazing men and women, who struggle to keep their homes clean in the midst of dropping kids off at soccer practice, who lose hours upon hours of sleep every week getting up to feed their sweet babies, who get on their knees every night and every morning and pray that God brings their son or daughter back to Himself, who love their kids so much they would do anything for them, who cry over photo albums and remember when their babies were little...I honor all mothers. Even the ones who don't have "children" of their own.

A friend shared this quote with me this week from a Bible study she is doing and I loved it so much, I wanted to share it here as well:

You do not have to have physical children to do some effective parenting. Recall how often the apostle Paul referred to Timothy as his "son," though their only blood relationship was in Christ.

I take great comfort in this, and I hope you do as well. God has brought many "children" into my life over the years that I have been able to "parent" and love in such a way as if they were my own. And my friends and family have some incredible kids that I've been able to love on and learn a lot from. I also have a beautiful goddaughter that I love with all of my heart. I may not be a momma in the traditional sense, but I promise you that my quiver is full of a lot of arrows.

May you reading this, wherever you find yourself today, remember how much you are loved by an incredible Father. May you remember that He sees you, that He collects your tears, and that He has an amazing plan for your life. It may not always look the way you want it to, but your life is beautiful. It may be messy and full of heartache at times, but it's not always going to be that way. This is a season and someday a new one will arrive...and it will bring it's fair share of good and bad...but it will still be beautiful.

And someday, you will look back on today, and whether it was a happy or sad day, you will smile, knowing that God loved you and was right there with you, even if it didn't feel like He was.

Happy Mother's Day, to all the amazing women I know, who are currently mothers, soon-to-be, or still waiting for a miracle. You are incredible and I am so very blessed to have you in my life.

Recent Things

It has been such a long time since I've written a post (almost a month!) that I decided it was time to do so.

A lot of stuff has been going on lately, good and bad, and I think after how busy the first three months of this year were, I just needed to take some time to recuperate before I could process a lot of my thoughts.

Following our trip to Colorado, a lot of fun things happened.

I threw a little somewhat surprise birthday dinner for one of my favorites. I only told her I was picking her up at 5pm. She had no idea I had invited other people to join us. We had a lot of fun that night celebrating her and just being together.

We had a potential new senior pastor come to our church. That week was full of different get togethers and opportunities for us to get to know him and his wife better. Unfortunately, things didn't work out, so our church is still in the process of looking for a new senior pastor. But I know that God has great plans for our church, so I'm holding onto that during this sometimes hard time of transition.

I started a new love affair with loose leaf tea. I've been an avid tea drinker for over a year now but this was my first time really delving into the world of loose leaf. It's been grand and I've really enjoyed trying new teas. Josh is also a big fan of the ones I've brought home so far.

We celebrated my sister's birthday last month. It was a fun lunch party that ended up turning into an all day affair. We played games and enjoyed each other's company. I love having days like that.

Easter was a really wonderful day. Our church decided to have two services happening simultaneously this year, with two different worship teams, while video streaming the sermon into the alternate venue. I was on the worship team in the alternate venue and it was really wonderful. The service size was a lot smaller and felt a lot more intimate. It was a great morning.

The lily we bought in remembrance of a family member that passed away last year 

We spent the rest of the day surrounded by family. We went over to my parents's house first and enjoyed a wonderful meal over there. My mom invited my sister's brothers-in-law and sister-in-law over as well, so that was also fun. And, I made everyone take some family pictures, since we hardly ever take pictures together. I just wasn't able to get one of just my parents or of the six of us, but I was still happy with what I was able to get. After that, we headed over to Josh's brother's house. They had a house full of family, which was a lot of fun. Josh and his brother went to see a movie later that evening while us girls stayed behind and relaxed outside and talked. It was the perfect ending to a great day.

The following weekend we went to our friend's family's cabin for the weekend. We went there last year over 4th of July weekend and had a blast. This year, we stayed indoors most of the time because it was very cold. But we did get out for a nice walk along the lake and went exploring a little in one of the nearby towns. It was a really fun trip. We stayed up far too late every night, laughed so hard most of us were crying at different points, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was very relaxing and I'm so glad we were able to go again.

This past weekend we had a women's worship night at church. I helped lead worship and lost my voice in the process! We practiced beforehand for two hours and then sang for two hours during the event. I'm finally able to talk normally today. It was definitely worth it, though. It was an incredibly tender time of worship and it was such a blessing to be able to serve all of the women there. And my beautiful friend worship painted throughout the night. She is incredibly talented and her paintings turned out so beautiful.

Photo credit to my sister-in-law

The following day we had a BBQ with Josh's family. It's the last time all of us are going to be able to get together like that for awhile, as some of his family members are embarking on a new journey. It was nice to have one last hurrah together.

As far as other things that are going in my life, here are a few snippets:

My sweet friend and her daughter (and son on the way) moved back to the US. They have been overseas for the past year with her husband who is in the military. Since she is going to be giving birth soon, they decided she should come back here to deliver. I am incredibly excited to have them back here and I'm so glad I will be able to see them often! I'm also excited to get to know her daughter better, as she is mine and Josh's goddaughter.

I read an amazing book with a couple of friends. We started a little book club and we finished our first book a few weeks ago. It was Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. Seriously amazing true story of Louie Zamperini's life. I was incredibly inspired by it and am looking forward to seeing the movie later this year.

I have lots of other things on my mind, but this will have to do for now.