On Church and Women

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life.

I love it in so many ways. Josh and I have some amazing friends, we have a lot of fun together, and we both have great jobs. He's doing such an awesome job with the jr. highers at our church and I'm so proud of him. I was doing a couple of Bible studies, but both of those have ended for the time being. So right now, I'm not really doing anything at church besides Sunday mornings.

I've been struggling this past year with finding my place there. Not in our church itself, but in where to serve. I debated and prayed over a few different opportunities that came up, but none of them worked out. I know I need to be doing something to serve in the church, but I just don't really know what that looks like yet.

I know it's been a struggle since the Sunday night service at our church ended. The community we built there was incredible and it was really hard to see it go. I also think often about the women's Bible study my friend A.G. started with my sister over 8 years ago that was so instrumental in the lives of so many women. I long for those days to still be happening, because they were such an important part of my life.

But I often wonder if we as humans live too much in the past.

Do I long for those days because something like that needs to happen again? Or is it because it was comfortable and familiar and I have fond memories of it?

Where do we draw the line between what we've known and the new changes that happen around us all the time?

I have continuously felt a tug on my heart these past few years to be involved somehow with something to do with women. I've listened a few times and been involved with various Bible studies or small retreats. I've done some mentoring and I've reached out to some women. But I still feel that tug, even after everything I've already done. I know there's something more I'm supposed to do, but I still don't know exactly what that looks like yet.

But I do know this: I don't need to try to replicate what I've experienced in the past. Those memories are very precious to me and hold a special place in my heart. A part of me will probably always long to have those days back, because they were a very influential part of my life. But it's time to live in the now and to see what things God wants to do in the people in my life now.

So with that, I'm praying. I'm praying for clarity and direction on what this looks like for me. I know there are many different ways this could play out, but I'm excited to see how it all comes together.

Life is Precious

This past week has been a mix of fun and tough.

Josh and I went on a trip to our favorite place (Disneyland) last week. The night before we left, I had this horrible dream that we got in a car accident on our way down there. It made me feel a little shaky, so I spent some time praying after I woke up. Crazy thing was, on our way down there, we drove through the scene of an accident just minutes after it happened. We stopped to get gas at one point and I debated about stopping at a Starbucks as well, but decided to go ahead and stop. If we wouldn't have stopped, we could have been involved in that accident.

As we were driving through, very slowly to avoid the glass and other debris in the road, I started crying looking at the wreckage around us. One of the cars was so smashed in, I didn't even know if the driver would still be alive. There was a big pickup halfway up the center divide with a trailer attached. We saw at least six vehicles that were involved in the accident. I started praying out loud as we drove through that Jesus would protect the people involved and get them the help they needed. We found out later that thankfully no one was killed but that a few people were taken to the hospital with minor injuries.

The day after we got home from our trip, we found out that a friend of ours was killed in a car accident. Neither one of us wanted to believe it at first. It came as a complete shock and completely rocked both of us.

Today, that friend would have turned 25. We joined a lot of his loved ones in a park this afternoon to let off balloons in honor of his birthday.

Photo cred to my husband

I've been reminded this week about how short life is. And how precious it is. I let petty stuff get in the way of things too often. I get upset about little things that don't matter. I have moments where I feel entitled about things or expect that things should go my way. I often overlook the feelings of those around me because I'm too wrapped up in my own world.

So today, in this moment, I'm striving for a heart change. I want to be more mindful of those around me than of myself. I want to focus my energy more on the people around me that need it more than I do. I want to honor and cherish the people I have in my life, because I don't know how much time I will have with them.

Life is precious. Let's live each day like we really believe that.

We miss you, friend

Twenty Fifteen Part 3

March was not quite as busy as February, but it was still a little crazy.

I had a coffee date with my dear friend L.B. that ended up turning into a wine night later that evening. We had such good conversations over coffee, and wine and cheese. It was a great day.

The next day, Josh and I went to a fundraiser at a local winery for some of the people at our church that are going on a missions trip with Happy Feet this summer. It was a fun night of chatting with some of the people from our church.

The next day, we went out to dinner with some friends to a restaurant we had never been to before. It was pretty yummy! After that, we headed to Dutch Bros and I got to try it for the first time. It was delicious!

I had a craft night the next week with some friends. I didn't finish my project but it was a pretty ambitious one for me. A yarn wrapped wreath with handmade felt flowers. I was only able to finish the flowers but I'm hoping to have a picture of the finished wreath soon!

The next day, I had a sale to sell off my Scentsy stock. I decided back in January that I was ready to be done selling it, so I decided to have a sale to get rid of the product I had on hand. Thankfully, I've been able to sell more than half of it!
Later that afternoon, we attended a memorial service for a friend's daughter. It was a very sad time, but I was glad we were able to be there to support our friends.
After that, we went to see Cinderella with some friends! It was such a good movie. I highly recommend it. We then went out to dinner with our friends and had a fun night hanging out.

The next day, we attended a vision meeting at our church. Our new pastor and our church staff came up with a new vision for our church, so they wanted to start sharing some of the plans with the congregation. Josh and I are both excited for the new changes.
After that, we met up with some friends for sushi. And then we watched the Walking Dead together.

We spent St. Patrick's Day with some friends and family. We had the traditional corned beef and cabbage and lots of other yummy food and drinks!

My boy and I sporting our green

Later that week, I got to celebrate with my friend L.B. as she turned 30! A group of 18 women shared dinner with her at a yummy restaurant. It was such a fun night and I'm so glad she was able to have that celebration!

The birthday girl and I

We were missing a couple of ladies by the time this picture was taken

The next day, I went to see Insurgent with a couple of friends. While it was a good movie, there was a lot they changed from the book. I think if you haven't read the books, you'll definitely enjoy the movie. If you have, you might have some issues with it.

The next week, my friend S.W. and I got together and watched the PLL finale together! I may or may not have binge watched most of the episodes of the show the two weeks prior to the finale, to try and figure out what they were going to reveal to us.

Later that week, I spent some time with my friend L.B. We always have the best conversations and I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

The next night, I went out dancing with some friends. I hadn't been dancing since Vegas, so this night wore me out. We danced for almost three hours straight with no breaks. It was a lot of fun, but I was so exhausted by the time we left.

The next night, we had some friends over for dinner and games. I always enjoy spending time with people over a meal. And laughing a lot. Both are very good for my heart.

Other highlights from this month:
My BCBs and I finished the book Blink and Caution, which was crazy, but really good. We also read The 5th Wave, which was also really good. Think the Walking Dead, but with aliens. I can't wait to read the second book, and the third one comes out in May (EDIT: It comes out in May...of next year! So very sad...)!
My husband and I are trying to stick with healthier eating habits. I was much better about it a year ago, but it was his decision to try harder this time, so I'm joining him on this journey.
My myofascial appointments are going so well! My body is finally really starting to "release" and "unwind" and while it's the weirdest feeling to feel my muscles and limbs move on their own, it's also super exciting to know that my body is starting to go back to normal.

I've decided to start sharing a little more personal stuff on these monthly updates as well.

Things God has been teaching/reminding me this month:
How important prayer really is. Not only did our pastor talk about it this month, but I've been given a lot of opportunities to pray for people and for different situations. And while I know that just because I pray for something, it doesn't mean that situation is going to go the way I want it to...but I know that my prayers are heard and they are answered...just maybe not always in the way(s) I expect or like. After writing last month about how much of a struggle prayer is for me, God sure has given me a lot of situations to be praying through more.

The importance of knowing someone before judging them. I think it's really easy to assume things about someone when you hear them talk or you see them do something, but you don't really have a relationship with them to know if your assumptions are true or not. I know I can't judge someone's heart anyway, but if I don't know who they are, if I don't take the time to have a conversation with them to see where they are coming from, I might be missing out on getting to know someone really great. It's one of the reasons I hate social media. It's great for sharing our lives with people, but because we don't usually share all the hard and not so pretty things publicly, it's easy for people to assume things about us that may not be true.

How incredibly damaging gossip can be. I know we all know how wrong it is to gossip, but that doesn't stop us from gossiping anyway (or maybe that's just me?). I don't mean to or plan to gossip, but it still happens sometimes. And some situations happened this month where I heard some gossip being shared that really angered me so much. I think we forget how our casual conversations or even things we think are harmless to share with someone, can sometimes get back to the person we are talking about and really hurt their feelings. It's just better to talk to the source. Period. Talk to the person you have a problem with or have a question about something. Just like the whole judging thing. It's better to talk directly to someone than to talk about them behind their back, no matter how hard that conversation might be. It's Biblical to go directly to the person first:

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you gained your brother.

-Matthew 18:15 

(ESV - it goes on to say what to do if he/she doesn't listen to you, and at that point you can involve others, but you're not supposed to before that)

So with that, March was a good month full of love and family and friends.

On My Mind

I haven't done a very good job of sharing my heart in this space lately.

I think for privacy reasons and for feeling like there are a lot of pieces of my story I can't share, (because part of it involves other people's stories) I've been very nervous to share anything.

So while there are things I can't talk about, there are some things I feel I need to say.

My family suffered a great loss over a year ago. It's something that still hurts and still brings a lot of sad thoughts and feelings. It's something I don't think we will ever fully "get over" and I don't think we are supposed to.

That term "get over" really bothers me. I think we assume that once "enough" time has passed, people should just be able to move on from their hurt feelings. But life isn't that simple. Loss isn't that simple. Hurt and pain are not that simple. The memories don't just disappear. Your love for someone doesn't just go away overnight. The pain may lessen and the memories may not pop up as often, but that doesn't mean we've gotten over it.

A lot of the people I love the most in this world have been and are currently dealing with very painful situations. Separation from loved ones (not by choice), cancer, betrayal, physical ailments, etc. The kinds of things that make one question God's love for His children. While I don't always understand why these situations are happening and while I don't always understand God's ultimate plan for our lives, I can say that I've seen Him evident in every single situation. I can say that I've seen Him mold and change and grow people to look more like Him through these hard times. I can say that I have seen beauty come up from these ashes.

Prayer is one of the things I struggle with the most. It's not that I don't pray, but I'm not very consistent with it. And when I do pray, it's often for someone else or for one of these situations mentioned above. I have a harder time praying for myself, because it sometimes seems selfish when I compare my thoughts and needs to those around me. But I know deep down inside that it's not about whose need is greater, because we all need God. My need for Him is just as great as yours, even if our situations are much different.

And I think that's what He's teaching me the most right now. That my need for Him is not determined by how hard my life is or how ok I might think I am. It's determined by my daily, hourly need of a Savior, of someone to love me and lead me in the direction He wants me to go. I can't and shouldn't try to do life on my own. I need His help and His wisdom and guidance every single second of my life.

My BCBs and I recently finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. While I had read it before in high school and remembered a few things about the story, there was so much that struck me this second time around. The faith and trust that both Corrie and her sister showed was incredible. The way that God used them before, during, and after their time in the concentration camp is so inspiring to me. To be that open and that in tune with God is something I definitely long for. Reading those pages again made me realize just how little my actions reflect my need for a Savior on a daily basis.

So while I may feel like my current situation in life is not as hard as the situations in the lives around me, my need for God is not any less. In the good times and bad, I need my Savior.

Thankfulness Week 2 (Nov. 8-14)

I'm continuing my daily thoughts on what I'm thankful for.

Here's week two:

Day 8:

I'm thankful for...
...friends that are like family.
...K.W. and S.W. and for baby P.W.
...friendships with women in different stages of life than me.

S.W. and I at her baby shower (I can't wait to meet P.W.!)

Day 9:

I'm thankful for...
...a new pastor and for change.
...the power of prayer and for the gift that it is to be able to speak with my Savior in that way as often as I'd like.
...essential oils and how they've helped me this past year.

Day 10:

I'm thankful for...
...E.O. and the conversations we have.
...my parents and the amazing support they've always been in my life.

Day 11:

I'm thankful for...
...those that have served for our country and their families who have sacrificed so much.
...days off spent with my husband.

Day 12:

I'm thankful for...
...traditions and the ability to spend time with friends.
...my husband's job and for the fact that they recognize and appreciate all his hard work.
...good books to curl up with.

Josh got a certificate from work, for all of his hard work these past couple of weeks on a big project

Day 13:

I'm thankful for...
...the gift of singing and the fact that I get to use my voice to sing praises to my Savior.

Day 14:

I'm thankful for...
...friends to break bread with.
...the amazing friendships my husband has developed over the years.

Our friendsgiving table. Such an amazing night with good friends. Not pictured: K.M., who took the picture.

More thankfulness to come!

Thankfulness Week 1 (Nov. 1 - 7)

I decided to collect all of the things I'm thankful for each week in a blog post.

Here is week one:

Day 1:

I'm thankful for...
...rest and the ability to recognize when it's most needed.
...understanding friends...and friends that are fine with having a relaxing night in on a Saturday night.
...God's Word and the ability to read and understand it.
...friends celebrating anniversaries and sticking with their marriages, even when things get hard.

Day 2:

I'm thankful for...
...the opportunity to say goodbyes surrounded by loved ones.
...a husband that works hard in everything that he does, and who loves his family with everything he is.
...warm drinks on cold days.
...cold days!
...a new pastor with a fresh vision for our church.
...for the sound of giggles coming from my precious niece.

Day 3:

I'm thankful for...
...warm tea.
...blankets to snuggle up in.
...relaxing days.

Day 4:

I'm thankful for...
...massages when I'm really sore and hurting.
...friends that love Harry Potter as much as I do.
...the fact that it gets dark earlier in the day now.
...shelter and cozy blankets to keep me warm.
...leaves changing colors and for fall weather to officially be here.

Day 5:

I'm thankful for...
...our Bible study group and the fellowship we are able to have with them.
...the opportunity to break bread with others and being able to talk about the importance of being a church that functions like a body.

Day 6:

I'm thankful for...
...quiet and the calm it brings.

Day 7:

I'm thankful for...
...date nights and time spent with my husband.
...my job.


More thankful thoughts coming soon!

Randoms for the Week

I started writing out a post the other day about all the things that I'm not doing in my life right now that I wish I was doing.

After typing it all out, I decided it was not going to be published. When I re-read it, I realized how ridiculous it sounded.

Here I am, writing about all these things I need to change or add or do differently in my life...when what I should have done was close my laptop, get up, and do them! I have since made a point to start changing some things in my life.

I love having down time and relaxing, but I'm realizing that I crave a lot more than just that. And instead of writing about it, I need to just get up and do it sometimes.

*****

We watched the series finale of The Office last night with some friends. I had been dreading and anticipating this moment all week...I just have such a hard time saying goodbye to shows. It wasn't as intense as I felt when LOST ended, but it still felt like I was losing some of my best friends. The last couple of episodes leading up to the finale were so good...I told my husband that fact alone was making it even harder to say goodbye. The show hasn't been the same since Steve Carell left, but those episodes were really making up for it for me. So while last night's episode was hard to watch, I couldn't have been happier with the way they ended things. And man...some of the wisdom they imparted to us viewers was just priceless:

Be strong.

Trust yourself.

Love yourself.

Conquer your fears.

And fast...

because life just isn't that long.

(The Office)

*****

The tough stuff in life is still tough...but we are slowly getting to the light at the end of the tunnel in some of the situations. We have definitely felt people's prayers and are so grateful for them as we keep walking these roads. My heart gets overwhelmed if I dwell on things too long, but knowing other people are out there thinking of us and praying for us has been such a huge blessing.

*****

I am finally getting to the bottom of some of my neck and back issues. My doctor sent me to another department and I've had some tests done already to try and figure out what's going on. While we haven't gotten a lot of answers yet, some of the tests have come back normal, so that's at least encouraging. I'm also going to be getting some pain relief next week that I am super excited about. For someone who's been living with pain and stiffness for almost two years now...this news is incredible!

*****

I am still plugging along with the healthy eating thing! There have only been one or two days in the last two weeks that I've gone over on my calories...and I haven't had any soda in three weeks! I don't even miss it anymore, which is crazy to me. I'm learning to love the foods that I've been eating and I'm craving things like avocados and mandarins all the time now. Iced unsweetened green tea is my favorite drink right now, other than water. It's crazy living in this world, but I'm loving every minute of it.

*****

My oldest niece is turning 6 next week! Where has the time gone? We got to meet her the day she came home from the hospital and it was the best day ever. She brings so much joy to our family, even though she lives far away now. We are so in love with all of our nieces and are so blessed and such better people with them in our lives.

*****

I haven't talked a lot lately about my infertility issues. They are still there, and I am obviously still not pregnant or a mother. It's weird to be over four years on this road looking back at all of the trials and hard times we had to endure along the way. While I still have a great desire to be a mom someday, I also am really happy with where I'm at right now. Especially with all the pain issues I've had the past couple of years...I think getting pregnant during that time would have been so horrible. I trust God knows what He's doing in my life and this season will pass someday...

There's also a part of me that is kind of freaked out at the possibility of becoming pregnant. I've watched a lot of people in my life walk through some very hard things in their pregnancies and the thought of having to go through something like that really scares me. I know I have to trust in God's plan for my life, and I have to trust that whatever happens, I will be fine...but there's still a part of me that's a little scared.

*****

This weekend is full of fun! I'm going out dancing with some friends, we are attending a sweet little girl's 1st birthday party, and I have Bunco with my friends. I'm hoping we will be able to squeeze in seeing Star Trek as well!

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Prayer

Though I strive to be really truthful and honest and open on this blog, there are some things I really feel like I can't share...

My family is going through a very tough situation right now. Something we've never had to walk through before. And it's been a rough couple of weeks.

And the only reason why I'm writing anything at all today is to ask for prayers. Because we need them.

So if you think about it this week, please say an extra prayer for my family. We would greatly appreciate it.

Love and hugs to all!

Heavy

There has been a lot of stuff going on in the lives of those around me lately.

Heavy, heavy stuff...

I sat down last week and thought of each person and situation...and realized just how many people I love are going through really tough trials right now.

It's heartbreaking and overwhelming, but the one thing we have all been able to cling to through it all is that God is still in control, He makes all things work for the good of those who love Him, and He has not left us or forsaken us.

All I can do in the moments when I feel so overwhelmed and sad is pray.

It seems simple, but it truly is the only thing I can offer that I know does make a difference.

When I was younger, our Kid's Church program took over a Sunday morning service. We sang our worship songs, played some of our games, and went through one of our teachings. The teaching was on prayer and the main message we left for the congregation was that Prayer Changes Things. Many people in the church remembered that simple phrase, and it was used a lot in the years to come. It's easy to remember, but it's also very true.

It's hard sometimes, because when we don't get what we want, we often feel like our prayers don't make a difference or that they aren't "working". But that is so far from the truth. Even though God knows about each and every situation in the lives of those around us, He still commands us in His Word to pray for one another.

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

(James 5:13-16, NIV)

Healing does not always come on this side of eternity, nor are all of our problems automatically solved with a few simple words offered up in prayer. But our first response in all situations, good and bad, should be to talk them over with God. Whether it be a situation we want to change or a situation that we are thankful for, it's important that we take the time to talk to God about it.

In the midst of all these trials surrounding me, a couple of songs have really ministered to my heart. I've shared them with a few friends because the words are just so powerful and true. One is Promises by Sanctus Real (I attached the video below) and the other is You Are by Colton Dixon. If you have not heard either one, or haven't really listened to the words, I would encourage you to do so. They are both beautiful and often bring tears to my eyes.

This time in my life has been a hard one. It hurts me to see and experience the things going on with the people I love. But I also know that God still has a plan, and I either have to trust Him...or not trust Him at all. I can't just trust Him when life is going good. It's always or never. Even though I don't understand everything, I am thankful that He does...and that He will turn all of these situations into good...somehow, some way.



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I Will Wait

Mumford and Sons's new album came out yesterday.

Be still my heart...

I have listened to it a couple of times through now and I really like it. I love the word pictures they paint, with the mixture of their instruments...it's so pure and beautiful to me.

Their songs do something to my soul. Their first CD was on repeat for me for months on end. I simply couldn't get enough. I have a feeling this one might be as well.

One particular song, that I have listened to many times before yesterday, has a lot of personal meaning for me. More so today than it even did yesterday.

Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies
And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
Bow my head
Keep my heart slow
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
(I Will Wait, Mumford and Sons)

It's my prayer today. In the midst of seeking God's will and in waiting patiently for an answer, this is where I'll be.

Grateful

This week was a hard one in many ways.

My grandma found out last month that she had a couple of major blockages in her arteries and needed to have a double, if not triple, bypass surgery. She went into her doctor with some chest pains, thinking nothing of them, and this was the answer she got. After enduring many painful tests, she went in for surgery this morning.

All week I have been worried about it. Not many people in my family have had to have a major surgery...and some that have had major complications.

(That is my grandma on the right at our wedding)

Thankfully, the surgery went well...better than her doctor hoped...and she only had to have a double bypass. When I got off the phone with my mom, I felt joyful tears welling up in my eyes. My shoulders felt lighter and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I didn't even realize until that moment how worried I truly was.

I've been praying, friends and family have been praying...a part of me was definitely trusting that things were going to be ok. But another part of me was entertaining what ifs...

My boss had K-Love on while I was at work and two beautiful songs came on in the midst of all of this. Gungor's Beautiful Things (which I just recently fell in love with after our worship leader played it for church a few weeks back) and Phil Wickham's Safe.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make me new, You are making me new
(Beautiful Things)

You will be safe in His arms
Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
(Safe)

I know He was definitely holding my grandma's heart today...as well as mine.

I am oh so thankful today for life.

Break Time

I can share about something that has officially changed.

I am taking a break from singing on the worship team at my church.

This change has been brewing for a couple of months now. Tonight was my last night until at least the beginning of the year.

With everything else that my hubby and I are praying about, it's just a good time for me to take a break. I don't want to be doing something just because I've been doing it for a year and a half. I want to do it because it's truly what God wants.

So, I am going to take this time to truly meditate and figure out if this is something God still wants for me.

I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.
(Psalm 7:17, NIV)

I'm excited to see what comes of this break.

(Source)

Change is Brewing...

The hubby and I are spending some serious time in prayer this month.

We both feel like change is brewing...and it's exciting and scary all at the same time.

In the midst of everything going on in our lives, there are some things that (thankfully) are not changing.

Our love for one another.

Our love for God...and His love for us.

Our love for those around us...including this little beauty that I can't get enough of.



Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
(Hebrews 13:8, NIV)

Thank goodness.

On My Heart...Fasting

I'm linking up with Casey again this week.

I have been thinking about fasting a lot this week.

It's been brewing in my heart for awhile now, but I didn't really know why.

I met with my friend E.H. for coffee on Monday. She was telling me about a book she's been reading about the importance of practicing the disciplines of our faith. She said that the book was talking about how fasting, as it was written in the Bible, was emphasized in the same way that prayer was. Neither of us had ever thought about it like that before. If fasting is supposed to be as important as prayer is in our lives, why aren't we doing it more?

I have never fasted for a personal reason. Any time I've ever fasted was either for the 30 Hour Famine I used to participate in with my youth group, for any important meeting I had at my old church, or for something big happening at church that our pastor asked us to fast for. While none of those reasons are wrong by any means, I started feeling this week like I haven't been fasting in all the ways I could be.

Dictionary.com defines fasting as:

an abstinence from food, or a limiting of one's food, especially when voluntary and as a religious observance; fasting.

a day or period of fasting.

Jesus talks about fasting in Matthew 6:
When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
(Matthew 6:16-18, NIV)

I also found this quote on fasting on this website:
Fasting was an expected discipline in both the Old and New Testament eras. For example, Moses fasted at least two recorded forty-day periods. Jesus fasted 40 days and reminded His followers to fast, "when you fast," not if you fast.

Also, this website gives a listing of all the occurrences (and possible occurrences) of fasting in the Bible.

Anyway, all this to say that fasting has been on my heart a lot lately. I've been realizing that there are many big decisions my husband and I make in life without fasting and really seeking God out in every way we can. It's something I want to change and will be changing for sure.

What are your thoughts on fasting?

Rollercoasters and My First Response

So much can happen in a day.

A lot of interesting conversations took place...a lot of fun times were had...and a lot of serious contemplation occurred.

Today was a mixture of emotions.

I am feeling so much for someone who found out something shocking this weekend.
I realized that sometimes I need to be more confrontational.
I laughed a lot at myself and with friends.
I realized how much like the Israelites I truly am.
I watched a TV show that made me sick...to think of how ridiculous, petty, selfish, and crazy some people live.

Yet, I need to learn to respond to every situation with prayer. If I don't like how someone is being treated or is acting, I need to lift it up to God. If I know I need to say something to someone, I need to ask God for wisdom on how to say it graciously. When I'm realizing how many times I turn my back to the ways of God and how much I hate it, I need to ask Him for the help to stop doing it. And, when I see things that make me sick, I need to pray for those people.

Too often, I just vent to Josh or someone else about these things. I know many of us are probably guilty of that...but that doesn't make it right. God put these people in my life for a reason, for sure. But, He knows the best way to handle things and gives the best advice...so why would I go to someone else first?

I really do want to pray more often. I really do want that to be my first thought when something comes up. I really do want to depend on God more. I think prayer is going to be my focus this year. I really want it to be an automatic response in every situation.

On to another day...

I hope my actions look a little more like Christ's this time around.

Prayer

I have really been struggling with prayer lately...
It's not that I don't pray. I do...occasionally. I do when a need arises. I do when I am getting frustrated or worried or scared. I do when I don't know where else to turn. But, I don't think I truly understand what it means in 1 Thessalonians 5 where it says, "Pray continually".
I understand the concept. I understand that it means I need to live my life in a constant state of prayer. Where everything I say and do, I am speaking to God and asking for His guidance, will, and direction. Where I'm pleading on behalf of those around me who are struggling. Where I am praising my God for the blessings He's putting in front of me. I understand the concept...but I don't think I've ever truly put it into practice.
I think it's precious when little ones pray before meals or pray before they go to bed at night. And, I think it's so important that they learn how to talk to God when they are young. Unfortunately, I think many times we all continue to live our lives only praying that way. I know every time Josh and I sit down to dinner together, we pray before we eat. But, we aren't praying every time we go out to eat or every time we grab a snack. We aren't always thanking God for the food we eat before we eat it. It's almost like a routine for us, a habit we've had since we were little; that we only think to pray when we are having a formal meal together. It doesn't mean that I'm any less thankful for the food, but it means that I don't truly understand how to live my life praying continually.
I hate the fact that I don't stop and pray for someone every time they ask for it. I will get a text or an e-mail, asking for prayer, and many times I don't stop what I'm doing to pray for it. Why is that? Why do I only remember to pray for others when I'm at church or at Bible study and someone else brings them up? Why am I so unwilling most of the time to take a moment in my day to pray for someone?
We are going through a new series in church on the book of Philemon. We went through the first 7 verses of this very short book on Sunday. It hit me during the message that I really need to learn to stop and take the time to pray for others. Again, it's not that I don't...I just don't always do it as often as I should. But beyond that, to pray for them even when they haven't asked for it. It blows me away to know that the senior pastor at my church prays for each and every person by name that fills out a connection card at Calvary. That's a good 1000 people! It got me thinking that if he can take the time out of his busy schedule to pray for 1000 people every month, I can certainly pray for all of my family and friends as well. And, not even just that I can, but I truly want to now. I truly want to lift up those around me. I know they go through stuff just like I do, but I don't always know when and what they are going through. I don't want to only lift them up when I know something is wrong, I want to lift them up every opportunity I get.
I also just want to be a better encourager. I have many amazing people in my life that send me encouraging texts or emails quite frequently and I am so grateful for them. I want to be a better encourager. I want God to put specific people on my heart that need to be encouraged. I want to be a better servant of Christ. I want to be more like Him in every aspect of my life. I know it's going to be hard and I know I'm not going to be perfect, but I want to wake up every day with a desire to pray for and encourage those around me to keep going on this walk. To keep looking up to God for direction and wisdom. To keep seeking His will. I don't want to learn more about Him to keep it to myself. I want to learn more to share it with others and encourage them to walk closer to Him. That is my prayer for today.