A Couple of Lessons about Social Media

Some of you have probably either seen the On This Day function that Facebook has, or maybe you have the TimeHop app. Both of them function in the same capacity in that they show you what happened on this day however many years ago.

I like to look back on stuff sometimes, just to remember what life was like. I've had Facebook for over 8 years, so there's a lot of memories and events on there that I may not remember. 

Unfortunately, sometimes things pop up on there that I'd rather forget. 

I've come to realize that I used to use social media as more of a journal back in the day, something that I don't think is beneficial for me now. Because of how I used it, I wrote posts or said things that now I wish weren't in cyberspace somewhere. 

I've learned in more recent years how much of an impact what we say and post on social media can have our own lives, as well as on the lives of those around us. 

So, I'd like to share a few of the important lessons I've learned, or am learning. Not only to be an encouragement to others on some things to think about, but also to remind myself of some important truths.

1. The pictures and events people post about on social media are only a snapshot of their lives. I think it's really easy for us to see all the cool things others are doing and become jealous or sad because our lives don't look the same way. I've been reading this book called For the Love by Jen Hatmaker and she talks about this very thing. It's really easy to think that we should be doing all the things that everyone else is doing. Specifically for women, we see one friend is an excellent cook, one friend is super crafty, one friend seems to have an open door policy for friends in need to come over whenever, and another friend has the cutest dressed family ever...and we feel like we need to combine all of those things in our lives...when in reality, no one women can be perfect at all of those things and be sane! It's important for us to remember that social media just shows mostly the good or fun moments in people's lives, and we aren't expected to live up to anyone else's standard. We should just be striving to do our best for God and the rest will fall into place. Let's stop being jealous or hurt from what we see and instead be encouraged to live our lives the way we've been called to live them.

2. If the things we post on social media aren't things we would say to a person's face, we probably shouldn't post them. One of the posts I came across recently that I wrote awhile back was one of those vague ones about being upset with someone without saying their name. And so, of course, others commented on it and wanted to know what was going on. The problems with these kinds of posts are many. Not only am I talking about someone without talking to them, I'm involving others in the situation that don't need to be involved. I'm also being hurtful not only to myself, but to the person I'm posting about. It also lessens my credibility and my witness to those reading it. There's a pattern set up for us in Scripture on how to deal with the people we have issues with. 

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

(Matthew 18:15-17, ESV)

Those are the words of Jesus. And by this definition, posting something vague on Facebook or even "confronting" someone directly on their wall or their post is in direct violation of the way things should be handled. If I'm willing to be so "bold" as to post something about a problem I have with someone, yet am unwilling to say those words to their face, I have no business posting anything on social media. Being a person who does not enjoy confrontation, I know how much easier it is to hide behind a screen instead of having a hard conversation with someone, but that's just not the way it should be. 

3. Posting things on social media makes it much easier for others to misunderstand where we are coming from. This applies for text and email as well. Because you can't see or hear the person's words, it's a lot easier to think someone is being serious when maybe they meant for it to have a tone of sarcasm. Or maybe they are giving you a compliment and you read it in a mean tone instead. Vocal inflections and facial gestures give us so many hints when we are speaking face to face, which is something that is completely lost behind a screen. Because of that, I try to use emoticons to express what my face would be doing in those conversations. I know it doesn't solve the problem, but it helps. Sometimes a misconstrued text will cause a face to face conversation to happen, because someone thought I was being rude when I wasn't meaning to come off that way. So while social media can be a great communication tool, it shouldn't be our only communication tool.

Maybe you've learned other lessons than these (like not sharing a political opinion unless you're willing to hear everyone else's opinions), but these are the big ones for me. I think we need to stop and think (or even pray) before we post and comment on social media. Otherwise, it may come back to bite us in the cheeks one day.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

(Colossians 4:6, ESV)

Twenty Fifteen Part 3

March was not quite as busy as February, but it was still a little crazy.

I had a coffee date with my dear friend L.B. that ended up turning into a wine night later that evening. We had such good conversations over coffee, and wine and cheese. It was a great day.

The next day, Josh and I went to a fundraiser at a local winery for some of the people at our church that are going on a missions trip with Happy Feet this summer. It was a fun night of chatting with some of the people from our church.

The next day, we went out to dinner with some friends to a restaurant we had never been to before. It was pretty yummy! After that, we headed to Dutch Bros and I got to try it for the first time. It was delicious!

I had a craft night the next week with some friends. I didn't finish my project but it was a pretty ambitious one for me. A yarn wrapped wreath with handmade felt flowers. I was only able to finish the flowers but I'm hoping to have a picture of the finished wreath soon!

The next day, I had a sale to sell off my Scentsy stock. I decided back in January that I was ready to be done selling it, so I decided to have a sale to get rid of the product I had on hand. Thankfully, I've been able to sell more than half of it!
Later that afternoon, we attended a memorial service for a friend's daughter. It was a very sad time, but I was glad we were able to be there to support our friends.
After that, we went to see Cinderella with some friends! It was such a good movie. I highly recommend it. We then went out to dinner with our friends and had a fun night hanging out.

The next day, we attended a vision meeting at our church. Our new pastor and our church staff came up with a new vision for our church, so they wanted to start sharing some of the plans with the congregation. Josh and I are both excited for the new changes.
After that, we met up with some friends for sushi. And then we watched the Walking Dead together.

We spent St. Patrick's Day with some friends and family. We had the traditional corned beef and cabbage and lots of other yummy food and drinks!

My boy and I sporting our green

Later that week, I got to celebrate with my friend L.B. as she turned 30! A group of 18 women shared dinner with her at a yummy restaurant. It was such a fun night and I'm so glad she was able to have that celebration!

The birthday girl and I

We were missing a couple of ladies by the time this picture was taken

The next day, I went to see Insurgent with a couple of friends. While it was a good movie, there was a lot they changed from the book. I think if you haven't read the books, you'll definitely enjoy the movie. If you have, you might have some issues with it.

The next week, my friend S.W. and I got together and watched the PLL finale together! I may or may not have binge watched most of the episodes of the show the two weeks prior to the finale, to try and figure out what they were going to reveal to us.

Later that week, I spent some time with my friend L.B. We always have the best conversations and I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

The next night, I went out dancing with some friends. I hadn't been dancing since Vegas, so this night wore me out. We danced for almost three hours straight with no breaks. It was a lot of fun, but I was so exhausted by the time we left.

The next night, we had some friends over for dinner and games. I always enjoy spending time with people over a meal. And laughing a lot. Both are very good for my heart.

Other highlights from this month:
My BCBs and I finished the book Blink and Caution, which was crazy, but really good. We also read The 5th Wave, which was also really good. Think the Walking Dead, but with aliens. I can't wait to read the second book, and the third one comes out in May (EDIT: It comes out in May...of next year! So very sad...)!
My husband and I are trying to stick with healthier eating habits. I was much better about it a year ago, but it was his decision to try harder this time, so I'm joining him on this journey.
My myofascial appointments are going so well! My body is finally really starting to "release" and "unwind" and while it's the weirdest feeling to feel my muscles and limbs move on their own, it's also super exciting to know that my body is starting to go back to normal.

I've decided to start sharing a little more personal stuff on these monthly updates as well.

Things God has been teaching/reminding me this month:
How important prayer really is. Not only did our pastor talk about it this month, but I've been given a lot of opportunities to pray for people and for different situations. And while I know that just because I pray for something, it doesn't mean that situation is going to go the way I want it to...but I know that my prayers are heard and they are answered...just maybe not always in the way(s) I expect or like. After writing last month about how much of a struggle prayer is for me, God sure has given me a lot of situations to be praying through more.

The importance of knowing someone before judging them. I think it's really easy to assume things about someone when you hear them talk or you see them do something, but you don't really have a relationship with them to know if your assumptions are true or not. I know I can't judge someone's heart anyway, but if I don't know who they are, if I don't take the time to have a conversation with them to see where they are coming from, I might be missing out on getting to know someone really great. It's one of the reasons I hate social media. It's great for sharing our lives with people, but because we don't usually share all the hard and not so pretty things publicly, it's easy for people to assume things about us that may not be true.

How incredibly damaging gossip can be. I know we all know how wrong it is to gossip, but that doesn't stop us from gossiping anyway (or maybe that's just me?). I don't mean to or plan to gossip, but it still happens sometimes. And some situations happened this month where I heard some gossip being shared that really angered me so much. I think we forget how our casual conversations or even things we think are harmless to share with someone, can sometimes get back to the person we are talking about and really hurt their feelings. It's just better to talk to the source. Period. Talk to the person you have a problem with or have a question about something. Just like the whole judging thing. It's better to talk directly to someone than to talk about them behind their back, no matter how hard that conversation might be. It's Biblical to go directly to the person first:

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you gained your brother.

-Matthew 18:15 

(ESV - it goes on to say what to do if he/she doesn't listen to you, and at that point you can involve others, but you're not supposed to before that)

So with that, March was a good month full of love and family and friends.

Shifting

I feel like my heart toward blogging is shifting again.

I have had one of the toughest, most emotional years of my life...and it's kept me very closed off. There are many things I don't feel like I can share with the outside world...and yet so many things I wish I could.

I love blogging about what's on my heart and what I'm learning and struggling with, in the hopes that it will help someone else who may need to hear my words. But I also know that some things are just too much or too personal and can't be shared, in spite of what benefit they might have to someone reading them.

Because of this, my blogging has become more sparse...and most of the topics I do choose to write about have become very light and happy.

It has been good...going through this journey and changing and molding and adapting. I don't want to lose my love of writing and sharing my heart...but I also want to be sensitive and mindful of what I'm sharing.

Because I've pulled away so much, I've lost many of the connections I had with other bloggers. I would email other bloggers quite often and comment on their blogs. There were many bloggers I wanted to meet in person and have coffee with someday. I wanted to go to a couple of different blogger conferences, but was never able to afford the cost of getting there. And I've stopped doing many of the weekly link ups I used to enjoy so much.

Sometimes it stings a little to know that I've lost some of these connections, because there are some truly amazing female bloggers out there with incredible hearts. But one thing I noticed about myself when I was constantly trying to connect with these women was that I was disconnecting myself from the real world. I wasn't connecting with the women that were right in front of my face, in my daily life.

So even though it hurts a little to know that I've probably missed out on some amazing opportunities and conversations, I'm very thankful that I identified this problem. I have a hard enough time connecting with the women in my life right now, let alone women I don't even know in person. I need to focus on what's in front of me instead of on what could have been.

Ain't that the story of every area of my life...

With all that said, I really do want to make blogging a bigger part of my life. I spend far too much time wishing I was better at it instead of doing something about it. Like I do with many areas of my life. So, it's time to make a change.

I am excited to share my fall and Christmas inspirations, the pictures of our latest fun trip and all the fun stuff we have planned through the end of the year, and the things on my heart that I feel comfortable sharing.

A new season is quickly approaching (even though the weather would suggest otherwise) and it's time for a new season to begin for me in blogging.

Wow

Wow is seriously my only response.
I just read this blog.
Seriously, stop right now and read it...if you have about 10 minutes.
Take the time to ponder it afterward.
If you are male, for sure read it. Ladies, read it, too. It could possibly change the way you live your life.

Painstakingly Obvious

I feel like I am constantly being slapped in the face.
I keep getting reminded of truths that I know God wants me to comprehend, learn, and put into practice...yet I keep ignoring them.
Every time I am around other followers of Christ, I keep getting reminded of how much I am supposed to trust God and not rely on my own strength...yet I keep doubting Him and leaning on my strength.
I feel like I should have learned this lesson by now.

Why is it taking me so long?