On My Heart...Fasting

I'm linking up with Casey again this week.

I have been thinking about fasting a lot this week.

It's been brewing in my heart for awhile now, but I didn't really know why.

I met with my friend E.H. for coffee on Monday. She was telling me about a book she's been reading about the importance of practicing the disciplines of our faith. She said that the book was talking about how fasting, as it was written in the Bible, was emphasized in the same way that prayer was. Neither of us had ever thought about it like that before. If fasting is supposed to be as important as prayer is in our lives, why aren't we doing it more?

I have never fasted for a personal reason. Any time I've ever fasted was either for the 30 Hour Famine I used to participate in with my youth group, for any important meeting I had at my old church, or for something big happening at church that our pastor asked us to fast for. While none of those reasons are wrong by any means, I started feeling this week like I haven't been fasting in all the ways I could be.

Dictionary.com defines fasting as:

an abstinence from food, or a limiting of one's food, especially when voluntary and as a religious observance; fasting.

a day or period of fasting.

Jesus talks about fasting in Matthew 6:
When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
(Matthew 6:16-18, NIV)

I also found this quote on fasting on this website:
Fasting was an expected discipline in both the Old and New Testament eras. For example, Moses fasted at least two recorded forty-day periods. Jesus fasted 40 days and reminded His followers to fast, "when you fast," not if you fast.

Also, this website gives a listing of all the occurrences (and possible occurrences) of fasting in the Bible.

Anyway, all this to say that fasting has been on my heart a lot lately. I've been realizing that there are many big decisions my husband and I make in life without fasting and really seeking God out in every way we can. It's something I want to change and will be changing for sure.

What are your thoughts on fasting?

Riding the Waves

I like to have control.

That's no new revelation. Anyone who knows me or who's been reading this blog for quite some time knows that about me.

I have a hard time when things don't go the way I planned...or when things fall apart...or when something interrupts my plans.

If we were all honest, I think most of us would probably admit to being this way a lot of the time.

And yet, I don't really know where this desire to have control stems from...except that it's something that keeps me from letting God have control of my life. Which is huge in and of itself. It's the reason I have such a hard time trusting in His timing and believing that He has a perfect will for my life...because my perfect will would have happened a long time ago.

In my Bible study reading for this week, the author of our book asked how we react to interruptions in our plan. I know how I react...I get upset, I may even freak out a little, and I try to fix it somehow...all before realizing I should have asked God for help in the first place.

But, how are we supposed to react?

This is one of the verses the author shared:

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
(Proverbs 19:21 NIV)

I know I need to rest in that fact all the time. No matter what I plan and how perfect I may make everything fall into place, it is still God's will that prevails. Even if I do everything "right", He still may have another plan. And, I have to be ok with that.

I also realized this week that I have a hard time admitting I need help...with anything. I don't even like to let my husband help me with stuff. I put on this tough act, like I've got everything handled, even though I would love him to help me more. I pretend that all is well with me so that he doesn't have to see the hurts or the struggles I go through...until I just can't hold them in anymore and they burst out (which tends to happen pretty often).

Even today...he came home and he knew I was hurting over something. I started to tear up, but I didn't want to cry...because I know it breaks his heart to watch me cry. So, I sucked it up and wiped them away. He asked me why I wasn't letting myself cry...and I told him because I know that he hates to see me cry. He then said, "But don't you need to cry sometimes?" And, that hit me like a ton of bricks.

He's right. I do need to cry sometimes. I do need to admit that I'm weak and that I need help. I do need to admit that I can't control my life and that I can't do everything myself.

I really want to be better at this letting go thing...I know I'm definitely in a much better place than I was this time last year...but still...not where I'd like to be. And yet, I can't let the goal of letting go become something I could possibly try to control and make happen faster...because then I'm in the same boat all over again (a potentially crazy cycle).

Speaking of boats...I wanted to share a couple of pics from our whale watching experience (all pics taken by my friend Jenn. She's an amazing photographer).

(Humpback whale tail fin)

(The two humpbacks next to each other)

(Dolphins!!)

(These guys were cute...but oh so smelly!)

(Our little group...with the b-day girl in the middle)

(The hubs and I)

Being on that boat helped me learn a little bit about not being able to control my life. The water was really choppy sometimes...so much so that I would feel myself starting to freak out...but I knew that I had to trust the captain. He does this all the time and he knows what he's doing...just like God knows what He's doing.

I'm going to try my best to rest in that this week.

Be blessed.

Easter

He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying.
(Matthew 28:6, NLT)

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
(Hebrews 4:14-16, NIV)

Let us not forget why we celebrate this day each year.

Insta-Friday

I am linking up with Jeannett at liferearranged today.

She does this cool thing on Fridays called Insta-Friday where people post pics they took on their cell phone. She uses Instragram, an app on the iPhone, which I also have. But, she just wants anyone to post their pics from any cell phone to get a glimpse of their week.

So, here's mine!

Work :)

This is kind of my weakness. Half iced tea/half lemonade? Umm, yes please!!

Bright blue toe nails make me happy (And no, I'm not missing a toe...it just accidentally got excluded from the pic)

We went whale watching today for my friend's birthday!

The back of the boat on our way back to the dock

The remnants of the yummy Mexican food we had after we got off the boat

Kind of a fun idea, right?

And, many of you probably remember Jeannett from Cliffy's fundraiser that she did back before Christmas. She's currently doing another awesome fundraiser for the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation. Check it out here on her blog.

Words

I had a conversation this week with someone that broke my heart.

It pains me so much when people listen to hurtful words others speak to them...and believe them...when they are not true.

I think we've all been in this situation before.

I had someone in my life at one point that spoke horrible things to me. I was called horrible names and was told I wasn't worth it or good enough. I was made to feel worthless...and yet, I continued to put myself in the situation to keep hearing these words.

I think I knew deep down that they weren't true...but I did believe them for awhile. I accepted them as truth...and I started to feel very bad about myself. It's only by the amazing ways of my Savior that I was finally able to see these things were not true. He called me away from that person and called me back to Himself...where He reminded me of how beautiful and lovely He saw me...and how much He loved me.

So, when I see someone in a similar situation, it literally tears my heart in two. Because I've been there...and I know how hard it is to really believe that those things aren't true...even though you hear them over and over again. I encouraged this person to remove the harmful person from their life...so that this would not continue. It's the only way things will ever change.

I just wonder why we put ourselves in these situations in the first place. If we really believed the truths that God speaks into our hearts, I know we wouldn't let negative words affect us. But, it's often hard to remember the words of our Savior when someone in front of us is berating us day in and day out.

The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7b (NLT)

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
1 Peter 3:3-4 (NLT)

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
Psalm 139:13-14 (NLT)

So no matter how other people see us, let us remember the way that God sees us...and cling to that...and forget about the other stuff.

On My Heart...

Oh dear...this is gonna be a tough one.

One of my favorite bloggers is starting a new series on Fridays called What Is On Your Heart. Casey is wanting people to feel comfortable being vulnerable and talking about what is truly going on in their hearts. While not everything on our hearts may be hard to talk about, some of it will be. But, I've felt very challenged this year to share other people's burdens...and I guess it's time to share one of mine.

I read a blog about a week ago by another of my favorite bloggers. Kyle wrote about something very personal about herself that she is trying to overcome. It made me think about something I've struggled with for quite some time now...that I feel creep up in some occasions...and when it does, it totally freaks me out. It takes me back to the day it started...which is a day I don't like to remember. At all.

I like hanging out with people and having friends...but I always have this nagging fear in the back of my mind. I either feel like I'm boring or that my friends are someday going to stop being my friends or that they will find much sweeter, wiser people to hang out with instead of me. I think the majority of this fear comes from the fact that when I was in jr. high, my "best" friend at the time had a sleepover for her birthday...and some of her other friends that I didn't really know were there, too. I remember them asking me if I liked telling scary stories and I told them I wasn't allowed to...and they all started laughing so hard at me (including my "best" friend), and they started calling me a baby. I was mortified. I burst into tears and curled up in a ball on the bed, wishing I could be anywhere but there. But, I was too scared to call my parents and have them come pick me up, so I pretended to sleep as the girls continued to talk about ridiculous things.

Because of that, I feel like I constantly have this fear that people will think I'm ridiculous or stupid eventually. So I think I guard myself too much in friendships...or I kind of exclude myself from things so that I won't get too hurt. I'd rather sit on the sidelines and listen to other people talk than give my opinion and have people look at me like I'm crazy. It's such a hard thing to live with. I feel sort of threatened when my friends start hanging out with someone new...because I'm so afraid they'll like that person so much more than me and stop hanging out with me altogether. Ridiculous feelings, I know...but it's what I struggle with.

I'm even feeling very insecure about typing that, especially the part about being slightly threatened by my friends having new friends. I don't want people to think I'm rude or clingy or crazy...it's just truly a fear of mine.

And, I think this is the first time I've admitted it to anyone (well, besides Kyle. I sent her an e-mail about this after I read her blog).

I'm so freaked out about putting myself out there this much...but like I said earlier, I know it's important to share our burdens.

I don't know what is going to come about from this blog, but I'm not looking for sympathy or for anyone to feel like they have to change how they act around me. This is something I need to work on and get over...and I don't want people to feel like they have to tiptoe around me because of it. I seriously love and cherish every single one of my friends. They are amazing and have never done anything to intentionally make me feel this way...I just feel this way of my own accord often. But, I guess admitting it out loud means people can hold me accountable to this...and ask me how I'm doing with it. And, I know God can use this for His good...and I'm definitely ok with that.

So, that's what has been on my heart lately...

If you have something you need to share with someone, I am definitely here for you.

Realization

I read this blog this morning.

And, let me tell you, I was in tears.

I don't think I realistically thought about my struggle like this:

Charlotte pointed out that when God takes you "the long way around" in whatever you are praying for it is never because of you. It's always because of other people that God wants to show His glory. It is always about Him and His glory.

And, knowing that could be the purpose behind why I am still not pregnant gives me great comfort. If God wants to use my struggle to touch other people...well, I now consider that an honor. To be used by Him in such a way just blows me away...

He picked me. Imperfect, impatient, has a hard time trusting, me.

I feel so blessed.

I am being used for His glory.

And, it feels so good.

New Job!

God seriously takes care of us in such amazing ways.

So, as most of you know, I lost my last job right before we went on break for Christmas. It was disappointing, because I was counting on finishing out the school year with that job (I was working as a one-on-one aide with an autistic girl in a regular kindergarten classroom). But, I knew God knew what He was doing. That job was an endless source of stress for me. No matter what I did, it was never right...or good enough...and if it weren't for the little girl being so sweet, I probably would have quit that job. But, I stuck it out...and it was taken away.

Anyway, I wasn't really looking for another job after that. I knew I would be getting my last paycheck in January and we'd be getting tax money in February. So, I knew we'd be fine for the first two months. We had our trip to Colorado planned for the end of March-beginning of April, so I knew I'd have to wait until after that to really start looking for something. Fortunately, I didn't really have to look very long...

In fact, I didn't really start looking at all.

Our good friends from church own their own business. They do electrical work. And, they've been swamped lately. Having two little ones makes it hard for the wife to help her husband in the office. So, they decided they needed to hire someone to help them out part time. And, guess who popped into their head first? Yours truly.

I was so excited when my friend told me about it! 15-20 hours a week doing office work? Sign me up! And, I can do some of it from home? Sweet!

I started on Thursday. They said I caught on really fast, which was nice. I've only ever used QuickBooks for a register system when I worked at a small lingerie store, but it's really easy to use for other things, too. They sent me home with some plans for a house so I could bid for the job. It's time consuming to count each different electrical item needed...but it's also fun! It's just crazy to me how someone could live in a 6000 sq. foot home and have as many rooms as some of these homes have!

But yeah...that is my new adventure in life! I will be working three days a week, 5 hours a day, at their office. I am excited to learn how to do new things and to be able to help them out! God seriously always has our best in mind. He knew that I really only wanted to work part time...and that I love office work...and He provided the perfect job for me!

Par-tay!

This weekend was full of birthday celebrations.

The first being my little sister's 25th birthday! We celebrated on Friday night and it was a lot of fun. I wanted to do something creative to make her feel special, so I set up a couple of fun things.

First of all, I printed up a bunch of pictures of her...through the years...and strung them on yarn with mini clothes pins. I added some little colorful pieces of paper to make them stand out a little bit more. She did this at her wedding with pics of her and Andrew along a fence, so I thought it would be fun to do this to look back at her 25 years.

I then cut up a bunch of pieces of that same colorful paper for people to write a prayer or a wish for Bridget on. I cut some of them in squares and some with my Victorian scrapbooking scissors so they'd have fun edges. Bridget had this cute leaf bowl that I put on the table for people to put their wishes and prayers in.

I then bought a frame with a mat. I decided we'd take a group pic of everyone that was there to celebrate her birthday. I put the mat out so people could write a birthday message to Bridget on there, so she'd always have it to remember who celebrated her first twenty five years with her.
I had a few extra pics I couldn't put up on the wall, so I spread them out on the table with the papers and the mat.
Here are some pics of the party itself!

(Jeremy, plural)

(Group pic without me)

(I am hoping to be able to cut myself out of this one and add me to the other pic. I haven't ever done that before, though, so I'm hoping it will work out ok)

(25 candles!)

(My cute sister and her hubby)

(She was very excited to receive this spaghetti spoon!)

(Sister love!)

*********************

Our next birthday celebration was for our friend, Jeremiah. He turned 30 this last week, so his girlfriend, who happens to be my bestie, threw him a party. Here are some pics to commemorate our celebration!

(Singing Happy Birthday!)

(Me and my bestie)

(This is my friend...we call her the ninja...she kinda hates that nickname...but oh well. It's pretty much the truth)

(My sweet friend Katy!)

(Me and Mama Candi. We all love Chance's mom!)

(My amazing friend, Lisa. She's pretty much a rock star)

(My hubby and his best friend of over 20 years)

(Three generations!)

(The birthday boy and his lady)

(My hubby and Jeremiah like each other a lot)

(The birthday boy's party hat!)

We had a fun weekend celebrating milestone birthdays!

New Headband

I was very excited when my husband brought in the mail today...

Because this little beauty was in it!



I am SO excited about my new just.lovely.things headband! Heather of just.lovely.things makes one of a kind, vintage-inspired headbands...and they are just gorgeous!! To see more of her stuff, visit her shop. Her items go really fast, though...so if you see something you like, you'd better snatch it up right then!

And here's another pic just for good measure:


I am SO excited to wear it out...especially when my hair looks better.

Sheesh!

(That's what I get for taking pics at the end of the day)

I have other things to blog about, but it's late and this will just have to do for now. More to come!

Some Pretties

So...I haven't made any new jewelry yet...

But, I'm definitely itchin' to...especially since I bought some really pretty beads in CO!

The reason for this post is to showcase my friend Angey's new Etsy shop! She used to design jewelry in L.A. and took a break from it for awhile. She is now back into the swing of it...and she's creating beautiful pieces! I'm very excited that she's regained her passion for it and I wanted all of you to see what she's been creating! You can check out her shop here.



Isn't her stuff so cute? Be sure to check out her shop to see more!

Fun Times

So remember that fun trip I kept mentioning that was coming up?

It finally happened!

We took off last Tuesday on a plane to Denver, CO to see our sweet friends that live in Colorado Springs!

We were there in October (which I posted about here) and were really looking forward to the next time we'd be able to go out there. Thankfully, we got enough money back from our tax return to pay for plane tickets!

We got to do a lot of fun stuff again while we were there. We went to Manitou Springs and Cave of the Winds. We ate at fun places like Meadow Muffins, Fargo's, Five Guys, and Josh and John's Ice Cream (Emily got a pic of the boys in front of the shop. I'll have to share it when I get it from her). I found a bead store (!!) in Manitou Springs...and of course I had to buy some. We went bowling with some of their other friends that live there...and we played lots of Super Mario Bros on the Wii. We went to church with them, and I got to go to work with Emily on Friday and meet the guys she's always blogging about. We had such a good time...but our time flew by so quickly...even though we were there two days longer than we were our first trip.
Their little beauty is SO big now! She's talking up a storm now. She even started trying to say Josh's name the last day we were there! She kept saying, "Jah?" She's so stinkin' cute! And, I'm super excited that she's going to be a big sister in just a few more months! I'm eagerly awaiting the news of what Baby.O #2 is going to be!
It was very hard to come home again this trip. I have such a hard time with goodbyes...even though we don't say goodbye...it's definitely see ya soon.
Here are some pics from our trip:

(For those that know my husband, this number is pretty significant in his life...and he gets really excited when he gets that order number at restaurants)

(A guy playing bagpipes in Manitou Springs)

(We tried the water from the spring...it wasn't very good. Tasted very much like sulfur and too much salt. Very bitter)

(Me and the little beauty. She had a lot of fun at the old arcade)

(The boys and Harper.girl)

(Inside Cave of the Winds)

(We took a picture of the $10 pic they tried to get us to buy. Such cheaters...)

(This pizza place is super cute inside. Very turn of the century)

(Me and Em inside Fargo's)

(Such a sweet, beautiful little girl!)

(Josh playing with Harper after church)

(The mountains on our way to the airport. It snowed the night before, so there was a fresh coat of snow)

We are definitely looking forward to the next time we get to go to Colorado and see our friends!