The Power of a Word

I have spent the last hour or so reading through some different blogs.
I actually found quite a few new blogs to read last night that have been very encouraging to me. So, when I logged into Blogger today, I had a lot of blogs to read. Two of them in particular stuck out to me...for two very different reasons.

The first was this one...and it broke my heart.
Jeannett is a beautiful person with a story that will make any heart feel for her. She is the one that started the fundraiser for Cliffy. She has a huge heart for other people...and now her huge heart is so broken. Oh, it makes me so sad...


The second blog I read today was this one...and it made me do a lot of thinking.
I just started reading Heather's blog last night. I love that she is super creative, a wonderful mother, and has a huge heart for God. One of the things she put in that blog brought tears to my eyes:

He wants me to love that my life doesn't look the way I had
planned, so that my heart can let go of what it's still
hanging onto. He wants me to love the broken and
crumpled up parts of myself so that I can love myself and
the world without hesitation. He wants me to love the
person in front of me, even if it's a person that's afraid of
me and my loss. He wants me to love like Him.
(to read about her loss, click here)

I need to learn to love that my life doesn't look the way I planned it...because in my heart, I am still hanging onto some sadness and some pain for what happened or didn't happen. I need to love the broken and crumpled parts of myself so that I can truly love myself and those around me. I definitely need to LOVE like Jesus loves.


Oh man...


The power of a word.


Zero.


Love.


They are simple words...but have such complex meanings.

The End of Me as I Know it...

God has really been shaking up my heart these past few weeks...
I just started co-leading a Bible study with a dear friend and mentor of mine just two weeks ago. The book we are going through is amazing...but hard...because it is rockin' my world like nothing else (Believing God by Beth Moore). The first two weeks of the study have been focusing on having faith and believing that God is who He says He is. While I do believe many aspects of who God says He is, I have been having trouble with a few...and mostly the ones that have to do with Him being a promise keeper...or that He knows what is best for me...as so many times in life, I think I've got my best all figured out.
As I was doing my homework for the study today, I kept having this song run through my head. Mind you, it is not a worship song...not even a song about God...nor is it even remotely glorifying to Him. But, this line keeps playing over and over in my head...


It's the end where I begin...


And, the more I've been thinking about it, the more it is making sense to my life right now. The moment I am at my wit's end, when I have exhausted all possibilities of doing things on my own...that is the moment where I begin to trust God. I know it's not supposed to be that way...but that is where I am at currently. It's the moment when I'm overcome with my humanness, my imperfection, my broken state of being that I can't get myself out of, that I cry out to Him and ask for His help.
This verse was a part of my homework for today and it truly is my heart's cry:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10 NIV)

And while I am completely broken and so in need of God's strength, He has been molding me, stretching me, and growing me so much in the past couple of weeks. I was able to pray so passionately for a dear sister of mine on Saturday...who didn't even know what she needed prayer for...but the words just came. I felt God speaking through me and bringing to my mind the words she needed prayed over her...and it was AWESOME! I can't even remember the last time I was able to pray for someone in that manner. It was truly a beautiful gift that God gave me...to be able to be used by Him, in spite of my broken and weak state.
It's amazing to know, to TRULY understand, that God is using me for His glory. To be able to experience it and see it firsthand...well, it just blows me away. I have seen Him do amazing things in the lives of those around me as well. So many of us are taking this leap of faith, of turning our wills over to God, and watching Him do the incredible in and through us. I am so blessed to have my church family, whom I truly consider my family, to walk this journey with.
This may truly be the end of me as I've known myself...but I am more than ok with that.