2018 So Far

I never got on here to share about my goals for myself for this year.

Honestly, I was feeling so overwhelmed in the beginning of year with life that I didn't really want to take time to assess goals.

Balancing life and letting go of fears are constants on my list every year. Because I'm still learning how those two things work. Also, if you didn't read my last blog post, I talked about how my pain has played into every part of my life. And that is something else I'm working on.

I'm still striving to look more like Jesus, and as I've mentioned before, that will always be an ongoing thing.

I picked a word for this year, something I haven't done very often. I usually look back at the year and see what word stuck out to me. But this year, I picked the word Shine. These are the reasons why:

1. I want to Shine in all I do. I want to be a light and a bright spot in the lives of those around me and in those I come in contact with. I want to Shine in my day-to-day and in my work.

2. I want to help others to Shine. I want to be an encourager to those around me to Shine in all they do in life. I want to help spur others on to achieve their goals and dreams.

I wrote those words out in my Color Street group on December 29th. Almost 9 months later, it makes me a little teary-eyed thinking about how this has already happened in many ways.

I don't talk very often about my Color Street business to those in my life (unless they are a part of this business). I don't mean I don't talk about the product (because I do), but I don't talk about the business side of it. I'm not the type of person that wants to bug anyone or turn anyone off. I don't want to come across as spammy. So I refrain from sharing things often because I don't want to annoy anyone.

But I'm going to share a little now. Because I've seen that second point happen quite often this year.

As I mentioned above, I wrote those words on December 29th in my group. That very day, I had my very first person join my Color Street team. My team continued to grow each month and is now 24 strong (at the time of publishing)!

I take my responsibility as a leader very seriously. I have always believed wholeheartedly in leading by example and in being the biggest cheerleader for anyone I'm leading. This is the first time I've been in this type of leadership position. It is definitely challenging at times, but the rewards far outweigh the challenges.

I have literally watched girls on my team achieve huge goals and dreams in their lives. I have celebrated their achievements in Color Street, but also their achievements outside of Color Street. I have mourned with them, I have cried with them and I have cheered them on from the front row. I have watched them Shine.

A lot of hard things happened this year. A lot of really beautiful things happened this year. And a lot of in-between things happened this year.

But I am still striving for my goals for this year. I'm still striving to Shine in all I do. I'm still learning to be a better version of me. I'm still learning how to balance life and let go of fears.

I've cried many tears. I've laughed a lot. I've squealed with delight. I've felt tired and worn out.

But I keep going. I keep moving forward, I keep striving and I keep loving on those around me.

That is how my 2018 has been so far.

Oh One. Two Oh One Seven

I struggle often with what I should share in this space.

Part of me thinks blogging is a dying art and I should give up on it. After all, I use it mostly as a "diary" these days to give a summary of what we do each month. Posts about anything else are so few and far between.

And it's not because I don't have things I could share. I more struggle with the time to be able to do so. And knowing how much is too much to share.

So I've kept things very simple the past two years, because that is what has worked the best for me.

Many people started reading this blog after I started to share our journey with infertility. I always meant for this space to be somewhere where people could come and find encouragement or comradery or a safe place to land. And I'm not sure it's always been that place this past few years.

So with this new year, I've been trying to figure out if I'm going to continue to write monthly posts or try to use this space more for it's original intended purpose.

And I haven't really come to a good conclusion.

So for now, I'm just going to write when I feel like it and see what happens.

****

We've been talking at church the past few weeks about being safe people for others. And how each of us should have 3-10 safe people in our lives. It struck my heart so much because I've craved those kinds of relationships my whole life. And because I strive to be a safe person for all of my friends.

I'm so thankful to have quite a few safe people in my life. I may not have had many (if any) in jr. high or very many in high school but I'm so thankful that I have many safe friends as an adult.

Being a safe person means being someone that listens, that gives their full attention, that is trustworthy and that doesn't try to fix things or offer advice immediately. Safe people are not judgmental and allow people to feel and express themselves as they need to.

One of my goals for this year is to spend more one-on-one time with people, as I have in the past. I want to be a safe person that people feel comfortable sharing their hearts with. And I think these two goals go hand in hand.

There's been so much division and hatred in our country in the last few months (not that it didn't exist before, because it obviously did. But it's come to the surface more in recent months). I just want to love people better. Even if I don't agree with them. Especially if I don't agree with them. And that starts with being a safe person.

****

January has always been one of my favorite months. Partly because it's a new year (and right after my favorite holiday, Christmas), and partly because it's the month I was born. January just always makes me excited for the future and for the year ahead.

This January was a good one. It was a month full of birthday celebrations, for myself and for others.

 P.W.'s 2nd birthday party!

 Wine tasting for mine and A.B.'s birthdays

Me and my fellow January birthday friend

 Dancing with some friends for mine and R.J.'s birthdays

I'm so thankful for these moments and for these people. Here's to February!

Randoms for the Week

I started writing out a post the other day about all the things that I'm not doing in my life right now that I wish I was doing.

After typing it all out, I decided it was not going to be published. When I re-read it, I realized how ridiculous it sounded.

Here I am, writing about all these things I need to change or add or do differently in my life...when what I should have done was close my laptop, get up, and do them! I have since made a point to start changing some things in my life.

I love having down time and relaxing, but I'm realizing that I crave a lot more than just that. And instead of writing about it, I need to just get up and do it sometimes.

*****

We watched the series finale of The Office last night with some friends. I had been dreading and anticipating this moment all week...I just have such a hard time saying goodbye to shows. It wasn't as intense as I felt when LOST ended, but it still felt like I was losing some of my best friends. The last couple of episodes leading up to the finale were so good...I told my husband that fact alone was making it even harder to say goodbye. The show hasn't been the same since Steve Carell left, but those episodes were really making up for it for me. So while last night's episode was hard to watch, I couldn't have been happier with the way they ended things. And man...some of the wisdom they imparted to us viewers was just priceless:

Be strong.

Trust yourself.

Love yourself.

Conquer your fears.

And fast...

because life just isn't that long.

(The Office)

*****

The tough stuff in life is still tough...but we are slowly getting to the light at the end of the tunnel in some of the situations. We have definitely felt people's prayers and are so grateful for them as we keep walking these roads. My heart gets overwhelmed if I dwell on things too long, but knowing other people are out there thinking of us and praying for us has been such a huge blessing.

*****

I am finally getting to the bottom of some of my neck and back issues. My doctor sent me to another department and I've had some tests done already to try and figure out what's going on. While we haven't gotten a lot of answers yet, some of the tests have come back normal, so that's at least encouraging. I'm also going to be getting some pain relief next week that I am super excited about. For someone who's been living with pain and stiffness for almost two years now...this news is incredible!

*****

I am still plugging along with the healthy eating thing! There have only been one or two days in the last two weeks that I've gone over on my calories...and I haven't had any soda in three weeks! I don't even miss it anymore, which is crazy to me. I'm learning to love the foods that I've been eating and I'm craving things like avocados and mandarins all the time now. Iced unsweetened green tea is my favorite drink right now, other than water. It's crazy living in this world, but I'm loving every minute of it.

*****

My oldest niece is turning 6 next week! Where has the time gone? We got to meet her the day she came home from the hospital and it was the best day ever. She brings so much joy to our family, even though she lives far away now. We are so in love with all of our nieces and are so blessed and such better people with them in our lives.

*****

I haven't talked a lot lately about my infertility issues. They are still there, and I am obviously still not pregnant or a mother. It's weird to be over four years on this road looking back at all of the trials and hard times we had to endure along the way. While I still have a great desire to be a mom someday, I also am really happy with where I'm at right now. Especially with all the pain issues I've had the past couple of years...I think getting pregnant during that time would have been so horrible. I trust God knows what He's doing in my life and this season will pass someday...

There's also a part of me that is kind of freaked out at the possibility of becoming pregnant. I've watched a lot of people in my life walk through some very hard things in their pregnancies and the thought of having to go through something like that really scares me. I know I have to trust in God's plan for my life, and I have to trust that whatever happens, I will be fine...but there's still a part of me that's a little scared.

*****

This weekend is full of fun! I'm going out dancing with some friends, we are attending a sweet little girl's 1st birthday party, and I have Bunco with my friends. I'm hoping we will be able to squeeze in seeing Star Trek as well!

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Building Up

With it being the start of a new month, I have some new goals to accomplish.

The first of which is to start (and stick with) a regular exercise regimen. I am sick of being unhealthy and it needs to change. I know it will be hard with the holidays around the corner, but thankfully, I'm not usually one to stuff myself on those days anyway.

Another is to be more positive and be more of an encourager to those around me. One of the ways I plan to do that is through this.

I'm also going to start by having this be my prayer for this week:


May we all encourage others with our words this week.



(I've been working on my blog layout this week and I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out. Sorry if things look a little messy)

Food is Not my Friend

I love fast food.

Like, a lot.

I pretty much like any food that is not good for me to eat in excess.

Yet lately, I've just been so sick of it.

Nothing fried even sounds good to me.

(Yellow squash and zucchini)

Maybe it's because I've been feeling convicted to get healthy again.

(Add a little extra virgin olive oil so they don't stick to the pan)

For those that don't know, I used to be a ballerina (WAY back in the day. We're talking 10 years ago). It was my passion for the majority of my life. I lived and breathed it.

(Add a little salt...and a little pepper)

Right around the time I turned sixteen, I decided to just take jazz dance lessons and stop the ballet. I took jazz for another three years before I quit dancing altogether.

(Stir frequently so they don't burn)

And, when I quit dancing, I quit exercising on a regular basis...and I have never been able to get back into that routine (for those that know how old I am, you'll know it's been quite a few years that I haven't been working out).

(Once they're getting close to being done, add a little butter or margarine)

Needless to say, I've tried, on and off, to get into something...but nothing ever sticks...because I love eating horrible food and I love watching TV in the evenings with my husband.

(Let the butter melt completely)

So, I finally decided it was time to change all that.

(Voila! Don't they look yummy?)

I exercised twice this week...for the first time in about a month and a half...and it felt good! I got the sweat going, I got my heart racing, and I was out of breath. It was such a good feeling.

(Red potatoes, washed and ready to be cut up)

The hubby and I also made dinner together on Tuesday night (for those that don't know me very well, I am not a huge fan of cooking). It was so much fun! Josh was outside BBQing up some chicken breasts while I was inside cooking up some yummy yellow squash and zucchini, and red potatoes with rosemary and basil (and now the pictures finally make sense, huh?). We topped off our meal with a glass of milk. It was fabulous! We both enjoyed it so much and felt healthy while we were eating it. We decided that we are going to try our best to eat like that as often as we can. While we both love our pasta and other things that aren't the best for us, we both are sick of not feeling good about ourselves.

(I cut each potato in four sections)

So, my goal is to exercise at least 3 times a week, and to cook at least 5 healthy meals in a week. I'm also being careful not to just eat whatever I feel like. When I've had the urge to eat something sweet, I've instead grabbed some baby carrots. One thing I have not decided to give up is soda. There may come a day in the near future that I change my mind...but for now...that is my splurge (and trust me, I don't drink soda all the time. On an average week, I probably only have four or five total).

(Put a little extra virgin olive oil in the pan, as well as some rosemary and basil)

I set some other goals, too...but those can be saved for another blog post.

(I kept them covered most of the time and just shook the pan a few times to make sure they weren't burning. It only took about 15 mins for them to cook)

If anyone has any advice on ways to eat healthy or tips on good exercise programs (that preferably do not require a gym membership or tons of money), I would be very grateful!

(The finished product! I don't have any pics of the chicken...because I was inside taking care of everything else while my husband was BBQing outside. He just used a little bit of teriyaki sauce on the chicken breasts)

Creative Side...Fed

I spent the majority of my day doing something I've just learned that I love.
I wrote a blog a little over a week ago about something I've been wanting to do lately (you can read it here).


I got to do it today!!


I made jewelry with some of the girls from the college group (Oh man...this could seriously be a dangerous hobby for me). I could have spent all day in Joann picking out different beads...and I hear Michael's has an even BIGGER selection! I bought some beautiful beads, gold and silver nylon wire, crimp beads, and gold and silver toggle clasps. We spent over 2 hours creating some beautiful masterpieces. I made two necklaces (I will upload pics tomorrow. The hubby is sleeping and the necklaces are hanging up in our bedroom). I was extremely happy with how they turned out. I have some other beads that I bought that I didn't use that I am already dreaming up ideas for.
It was so relaxing and enjoyable for me. I found much joy in it. It made me feel like I was fulfilling a huge need in my life. I suppose that life test may have been right all along.


On a side note, I am really excited about some fun things coming in the near future. I have mixed feelings about my birthday...but I think that's just normal. I always feel a little happy and a little sad when it's time for another birthday. This year has to beat last year, though (you can read that blog here). But, there's a trip to Disneyland in the near future, our third wedding anniversary, retreats, and so many other wonderful things to look forward to. It's going to be a good year...and it's just getting started.

Share the Load

Some days I really feel inspired or empowered to do something different.
Today was one of those days.
I took this test a few months back after coming home from the Women of Faith conference. It's supposed to tell you what your strengths are, direct you towards the type of jobs or things that would allow you to use your strengths best...which will then help you to work through the things you're not so strong in (in a nutshell. If that didn't make sense, check out that website to see more about the idea behind it). It gives you the top two out of the nine categories of strengths that best fit you.
My lead role was Creator. I found it quite odd, actually. Not that it didn't make sense...but because I'd never thought of myself in that way. This is the description:

You aren’t immune to the feelings and perspectives of others, but your starting point is your own insight, your own understanding.
Your best quality is your ability to find patterns invisible to others
You should always find time to be by yourself
Be careful you don't think so long, you never do anything
Your smartest career move would be any job where you’re paid to produce new content

My supporting role was Advisor. This one makes a bit more sense to me. Here is the description for it:

Your thrill comes from knowing that you are the person others turn to for the answer. You don’t necessarily want to be the person who actually makes the changes happen. Rather, what excites you is being valued by others for your insight and your judgment.
Your best quality is your ability to find a solution
Always search for data to support your advice
Be careful you don't get frustrated by other people's failings
Your smartest career move would be any job where you're paid to be opinionated

Today, I felt inspired by each of those roles.

I looked up some info online about making jewelry. I'm not really sure why, but I suddenly had the strong urge to learn how to make jewelry. It sounds like something fun and creative to do while I'm not working.
I also felt inspired to be better at fulfilling this verse:

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
(Galatians 6:2)

I love that, in the description for Advisor, it says to "always search for data to support your advice". I try my best to point people back to Scripture when they ask me my opinion on something or want my advice. I know it's the best advice I can possibly give someone.

So, while I don't know how working at a place where I produce new content and being opinionated really go together (unless it was some sort of reporting/newspaper type thing), I do know that I thrive off of being creative, having time to myself, listening to people, and pointing people back to Scripture. I love being able to carry people's burdens. I love knowing that people feel they can trust me and, in turn, entrust me with personal things. Some day, I am sure God will help me figure out how all these things work together. But in the meantime, I am going to continue doing the things I know He's currently called me to.

Bucket List

There are a few things I want to accomplish in my life.
I was having a conversation with Josh yesterday and something came up that I was like, "Oh yeah. I totally want to do that before I die". So, it got me thinking about creating a bucket list. I know it's kind of a popular thing to do nowadays, but I think it's important to have dreams and goals. So, I am going to start writing mine...and I'm sure I will be adding to it eventually. Here goes:

1. Have a baby.
2. Write a book.
3. Take up ballroom dancing.
4. Go swimming with dolphins.
5. Fly first class.
6. Go on a cruise.
7. Drive along Route 66.
8. Visit New York during Christmas.
9. Go to Disney World.
10. Take a trip to Italy.
11. Attend a movie premiere.
12. See a show on Broadway.
13. Tour Alcatraz.
14. Tour Pearl Harbor.
15. Tour the historical sites back east.
16. Go to the San Diego Zoo.
17. Visit the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
18. Lead someone to Christ.
19. Read 100 books of Classic Literature.
20. Earn my Bachelor's degree.
21. Go on a second honeymoon to Maui.
22. Celebrate New Year's Eve in Times Square.
23. Teach my children to follow the Lord.
24. Learn how to sew something more than just a button or fixing a hole in a shirt.
25. Plant a garden.
26. Spend a day at a spa.
27. Learn to whistle.
28. Own a Mustang convertible.
29. Learn how to play the piano better, so I can sing and play at the same time.
30. Kiss my husband on top of the Eiffel Tower.
31. Journey to Israel to see where Jesus walked.
32. Attend a NBA Finals game.
33. Attend the Olympics.
34. Visit Disneyland on Christmas Day.
35. Visit all 50 states.
36. Go on vacation in Seattle.
37. Buy a house.
38. Celebrate my 50th anniversary with my husband.
39. Visit the Grand Canyon.
40. Knit a blanket for my children.

That is the start right now. I will add to it as time goes on. I like having goals and things I want to accomplish.