Beauty in the Breakdown

It's funny to me how things work out the way they do.
When I picked the songs for the playlist on this blog, I pretty much just picked songs that I liked. I thought the first song fit well...Let Go...well, because that it what this journey is all about...letting go. But, I guess I hadn't really paid attention to the words much recently. I think it's very fitting to this whole journey.

So, let go, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
(Let Go by Frou Frou)

I think this is my biggest issue with everything in my life. I don't like jumping into things. I don't like the unknown...the possibility of taking a risk that could end badly. But, that is what faith is. It's a jump into the unknown...with the possibility that it could end badly... And, even though I believe it won't end badly, I act like stepping out in faith is like jumping off a diving board and not knowing if I will make it or not. I just don't trust enough that God really has my back, my best in mind, and that He's got it covered. If I did, this wouldn't be a constant struggle for me. I know He wants me to just let go and get in the water, because there's beauty in the breakdown. I've seen evidence of it recently...I've seen the beauty come out of my life and the lives of those around me when we take the risk. It's just the breakdown part that isn't so fun...but oh so necessary.
Oh heart, it's ok to let go. He really does have it.

The End of Me as I Know it...

God has really been shaking up my heart these past few weeks...
I just started co-leading a Bible study with a dear friend and mentor of mine just two weeks ago. The book we are going through is amazing...but hard...because it is rockin' my world like nothing else (Believing God by Beth Moore). The first two weeks of the study have been focusing on having faith and believing that God is who He says He is. While I do believe many aspects of who God says He is, I have been having trouble with a few...and mostly the ones that have to do with Him being a promise keeper...or that He knows what is best for me...as so many times in life, I think I've got my best all figured out.
As I was doing my homework for the study today, I kept having this song run through my head. Mind you, it is not a worship song...not even a song about God...nor is it even remotely glorifying to Him. But, this line keeps playing over and over in my head...


It's the end where I begin...


And, the more I've been thinking about it, the more it is making sense to my life right now. The moment I am at my wit's end, when I have exhausted all possibilities of doing things on my own...that is the moment where I begin to trust God. I know it's not supposed to be that way...but that is where I am at currently. It's the moment when I'm overcome with my humanness, my imperfection, my broken state of being that I can't get myself out of, that I cry out to Him and ask for His help.
This verse was a part of my homework for today and it truly is my heart's cry:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10 NIV)

And while I am completely broken and so in need of God's strength, He has been molding me, stretching me, and growing me so much in the past couple of weeks. I was able to pray so passionately for a dear sister of mine on Saturday...who didn't even know what she needed prayer for...but the words just came. I felt God speaking through me and bringing to my mind the words she needed prayed over her...and it was AWESOME! I can't even remember the last time I was able to pray for someone in that manner. It was truly a beautiful gift that God gave me...to be able to be used by Him, in spite of my broken and weak state.
It's amazing to know, to TRULY understand, that God is using me for His glory. To be able to experience it and see it firsthand...well, it just blows me away. I have seen Him do amazing things in the lives of those around me as well. So many of us are taking this leap of faith, of turning our wills over to God, and watching Him do the incredible in and through us. I am so blessed to have my church family, whom I truly consider my family, to walk this journey with.
This may truly be the end of me as I've known myself...but I am more than ok with that.

Photographer Giveaway

The amazing photographer who did our Christmas card session last year is having a giveaway! Find it here .
To see the pics she took of us at Christmastime, click here .

Painstakingly Obvious

I feel like I am constantly being slapped in the face.
I keep getting reminded of truths that I know God wants me to comprehend, learn, and put into practice...yet I keep ignoring them.
Every time I am around other followers of Christ, I keep getting reminded of how much I am supposed to trust God and not rely on my own strength...yet I keep doubting Him and leaning on my strength.
I feel like I should have learned this lesson by now.

Why is it taking me so long?