Moving Forward

We are already over halfway into January 2019.

It's crazy writing that out that way.

I'm still in shock that 2018 is over and we're almost a month into 2019 already.

2018 ended with me feeling a little scattered and like some things were half finished. I got to do just about everything I wanted to experience around Christmastime and we got to spend a lot of time with loved ones in December, but then I got sick. I think that's why things felt the way they did. I wanted so badly to take that time after Christmas to start organizing my house and my life and get into a better routine. But instead I spent 4 days on the couch, trying to rest so my cold didn't turn into anything worse.

I'm not saying that the resting was bad or that I should have been doing more, but I often beat myself up a little if I rest too much and don't get enough done. Or at least, enough by my own standards.

I didn't get to plan out my goals for 2019 like I wanted to. I didn't get to sit down and really think on 2018 like I wanted to.

And yet, life moves forward. And so do I.

As I type this, it sounds so silly and so petty. Not being able to spend time reflecting and dreaming. But in the moment, it felt like such a big deal.

If you know anything about the enneagram, I'm a 9. Part of being a 9 means that I often stuff my feelings down to keep the peace or because I don't want to deal with the pain or whatever other emotion it brings up. We 9's don't like to rock the boat.

So my being frustrated about not being able to do those things was actually a sign to me of trying to work through my struggles. I shared a little bit in this space about some of the things I've been learning about myself in the past 6ish months. One thing I'm trying to do more of is allowing myself to feel things.

For instance, I re-watched Gilmore Girls for like the 6th or 8th or 10th time (I've seen it a lot). And I re-watched A Year in the Life for the third time (maybe the 4th?). Watching the final episode, I could feel that ball in my throat getting harder and harder as my eyes welled up with tears. I have a hard time allowing myself to fully cry. But I took some deep breaths as I watched the show and I let them come. And that ball in my throat got lighter and lighter. I probably cried for about 10 minutes. And it felt good.

I'm trying to give myself grace and allow myself to really feel things. I think feeling it, living in it for as long as it takes, is essential for me. I don't want to keep bottling everything up inside. So even things that seem insignificant or petty (like not being able to spend time reflecting on 2018) need to be felt and worked through.

So as we move into 2019, I'm determined to keep working on giving myself grace and allowing myself to feel. The word I chose for 2019 was Rise. I'm ready to rise up, to rise above, to raise my head and feel. And I want to help those around me to do the same.



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For the past 10 years, I've made a point to make a collage of some of my favorite pictures and memories of the year before. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into 2018. I'm excited to see where 2019 takes me!

Wrap, Wrap, Wrap it Up

2018 has been a crazy year.

Lots of beautiful moments mixed in with sad moments and fun moments. Isn't that how life always is? There's beauty in the midst of pain and sadness and laughter and love.

I didn't post in this space a lot this year. I missed it in some ways but I also feel like I shared some things that were important to share here.

So I'm going to do a recap of this year, to share some other glimpses into what 2018 looked like.

In January, we went on a cabin trip with some friends and celebrated my birthday a little early in Disneyland. I went wine tasting with some friends to celebrate mine and A.B.'s birthdays and started babysitting a cute little nugget once a month.

 It's a Small World was still the holiday version!

In February, we went on a fun wine stroll with friends, saw that same little nugget be dedicated and went to Disneyland to celebrate our anniversary!

In March I went to CO to celebrate the life of my bestie's beautiful sister, we went wine tasting and ran into one of the girls on my Color Street team that I had never met in real life and spent time with family for Easter.

In April, I went to the women's retreat with some of my favorite women, participated in a Bachelorette taping (the segment never aired on TV) and celebrated the start of my friend's foster mom journey.

In May, we spent a fun day with my sister and brother-in-law drinking tea and cider, we picked berries with some friends, watched our niece graduate kindergarten and spent a weekend by the beach with friends.

In June, we went to the beach to celebrate my brother-in-law's birthday, Josh and I went on a fun wine tasting day date and we went on a quick weekend trip to Disneyland!

In July, we celebrated 4th of July with some friends, I attended our friend F.W.'s baby shower and I went to Color Street's conference in Vegas!

In August, we went on our trip to Europe!

In September, we went to Josh's high school's homecoming game, we went wine tasting with my sister and brother-in-law, celebrated two of our friends' 30th birthdays, that little nugget's 1st birthday and our niece's 7th birthday!

In October, I had a fun vision board night with some of the girls on my Color Street team, went out dancing with some friends, we went to a fun wine stroll with K.M. and V.M., went to the corn maze with our Bible study group, had a fun overnight date and went to our friend S.W.'s annual Halloween party.

In November, Josh won tickets to take me to see the Nutcracker, I had a fun dinner with some of the ladies on my Color Street team, we went to CO to spend time with our friends there, we celebrated Thanksgiving, we had a fun movie date with our niece and had Friendsgiving with some friends.

In December so far, we've gone to Disneyland, a few different holiday parties, had pictures taken by our friend S.W. and enjoyed a lot of fun Christmas activities.

I can't believe tomorrow is already Christmas Eve! This year has really flown by.