Some Honesty

I remember a time last year that I felt I needed to start blogging the way the "big bloggers" were.

I wanted people to enjoy my blog, and I thought that meant I needed to do fashion posts or lots of Pinterest-inspired DIYs for people to want to read my blog.

But I realized in the midst of trying to figure out how to do those things that they weren't for me.

I love reading those posts and looking at the cute outfits fashion bloggers put together...but let's be real...I'm never gonna be that girl...especially considering half of the clothes in my closet I've had for at least five years. I love clothes and I like looking cute just as much as the next girl...but not for anyone else's benefit. I like looking cute because it makes me feel better. So, if I were to do fashion posts (and I honestly don't think I ever would), I think I would get too caught up in what other people thought of my outfits, and I would lose a part of myself.

As crafty as I might be at times, I'm just not a constant DIY-er. I love Pinterest and I love going on there to look for new things to do, or for decoration ideas...but I haven't even done a quarter of the things I've pinned. It's just not something I'm super passionate about...and I think that's ok.

I was reading through this post that Ilene wrote and it resonated deep within me. I started blogging to record some of the things that were going on in my life at the time and some of the things God was teaching me. I wrote because I loved writing and I wanted an outlet to express that love. I started reading blogs of people I didn't know in real life, and I found some that truly inspired me to be a better person. I then started reading all sorts of different blogs, including fashion and crafty blogs.

I love the variety I have in what I read. I love the fact that I was asked to guest post on a blog about my struggle with infertility because I emailed that beautiful blogger and shared a piece of my heart with her. I love the comments and emails I've shared back and forth between many different bloggers. I love the relationships between other bloggers that I've watched develop, between people who wouldn't know each other if it weren't for blogging. I love the encouragement and inspiration I find every day from reading the words that other people write.

I just don't want what everyone else is doing to define what I do.

God gave me a voice, and I need to use that voice the only way I know how...by being me.

So, as much as I love and admire the bloggers who aren't like me, I have to remember that as long as I'm being true to myself, I'm blogging the right way.

Explanation

2012 has been one of the most interesting years of my life.

As I look back on the past couple of years, they've seemed to revolve around some sort of major event.

2010, I was in the midst of being the crazy, desperate, I have to get pregnant soon or else I will blow up woman. Once I realized that was who I had become, and allowed myself to truly open up to the possibility of letting go of my control to God, my whole year changed from then on out. I was seeking His will a whole lot more than I was seeking my own.

2011, I was still having my ups and downs with not being pregnant yet, but God was bringing opportunities my way and allowing me to experience different things in life that caused my whole outlook on that longed for experience to change. I finally had a peace, in the midst of the confusion and hurt, with living in the now and not looking forward to the future so much that I missed out on what was right in front of me.
2011 also brought me two new nieces, and with that, a lot of happiness, sadness, some very scary times, and some tearful praises to God for keeping my family safe. As the first of those two nieces is soon to be a year old, I've been reminded of God's faithfulness and protection in the midst of that time. He definitely makes strength from fear.

2012...well, I'm still figuring that one out.

As some of you may have noticed, my blog posts have dropped off significantly this year. Every time I would sit down to write something, no words would come. That's why my postings have been very limited, because when something would come to mind, I would write it down quickly and post it as fast as I could. I just haven't been experiencing that very often these days. It was making me sad for awhile, until I really started to reflect a little on this year.

This year has forced me to really examine myself, and try to figure out who I really am. It seems weird to be in the later months of 27 and still not have it all figured out...but it's where I'm at. I've tried to figure out where my passions really lie and what sorts of things I'm really good at, to try and see what it is that God would have me do long term in life...or if there even is anything long term I'm supposed to be doing.

While I definitely do not have all of the answers, I have learned a few things about myself this year.

Yet, I don't feel the need to share many of those things in this space.

What I do feel comfortable sharing is this:

I know I am called to work with women (not a specific age group, but women in general. In the past few years, I've lead or been involved in groups with teenage girls, college-aged women, and women who were relatively the same age that I am). That is one thing that has continually come up in the midst of all of my prayers, and in different conversations I've had with people. It's pretty safe to say that God is calling you to something when you aren't the only one who sees it. Many different people have told me this very thing. While I'm still figuring out what it all means and how it all will look long term, I am seizing the opportunities that have been put in front of me, and am pursuing some really amazing things at the moment.

I also feel that my heart has changed a lot this year. God has really been stretching me and growing me in ways I honestly never thought possible before. Even the fact that I am more open and ready for change is a huge thing for me. I was always a bit freaked out by it before.

But, the one thing that has held me together in the midst of all the chaos and confusion has been the fact that I know God has an amazing plan for my life, and the fact that I have a wonderful support system of friends and family who truly care about me. And, I definitely wouldn't have it any other way.

So, my apologies go out for not being more diligent in this space. I know God has used it for many different purposes, and He has used my words in situations that I have no idea about. My hope and prayer is that I will find my voice again for this space, and that it will become an encouraging place again for those who visit it.

May you find rest in God and His promises this week.

Photo a Day in August

I participated in fatmumslim's Photo a Day challenge again this past month.

I honestly can't believe I've been able to keep up with something like this for four months!

 1. Outside 2. One - sparkly little shoe 3. Coin 4. Somewhere I sat

5. Logo 6. Writing 7. 8'clock 8. Glasses

9. Messy - the messy part of my desk 10. Ring - my pretty Silpada ring with a little justlove.ly love 11. Purple 12. Spoon

13. Simple - the life of a baby 14. Arrow 15. Ready (almost) 16. Food

17. Faces - the many faces of my niece. She's getting so big! 18. Inside - get inside my belly! 19. Hole 20. Today - working on a little project

21. Cool - I wish I was somewhere this cool 22. Home 23. Pair - beta fish 24. Path

25. Fresh 26. Dream - that little beauty on the left being here is a dream come true for so many 27. Tap - water 28. Clock

29. Down - the countdown is on! 30. Card - my hubby gave me the $20 Starbucks card someone else gave to him. I am a lucky wife! 31. Hidden

August was a fun month, but it sure flew by! I am definitely ready for fall!

Refresh

I was reading in Proverbs the other night.

I stumbled upon this verse and it really stuck out to me:

A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.
(Proverbs 11:25, NIV)

I looked up the word refresh on studylight because I wanted to know what the word meant when it was written.

It can either mean to bring back, to restore, or to turn back to God.

It made me think of many of the conversations I've had lately with different people in my life...people who, like myself, have needed a little refreshing recently.

(Be still my heart. Love this pic of my niece)

It makes me want to be the kind of person that refreshes others.

As I've experienced a lot of changes in my life in this past year, one thing has remained: my need to focus more on my Savior and on those He's put in my path.

(My oldest niece. I was so happy to see her last week. I missed her a lot)

Because I've experienced the refreshing that comes from helping to restore someone else, I know how important of a part of my life it should be.

(My sister and her niece. I love watching her interact with this little beauty)

My hope and prayer is that my actions, as well as my words, will be refreshing to those around me.

You're Not Alone

I had coffee with a good friend today.

It's amazing how refreshing it can be to sit with someone and be honest with where you're at and what you've been dealing with...and to hear them say they've been there as well.

It constantly amazes me how God uses the body of Christ to encourage one another and lift each other up.

I feel so blessed to have some people in my life that really care about me and what's going on in my heart...and who want me to be a better person.

I write a lot on this blog about my friendships and how much they mean to me. While people change and relationships evolve with time and life situations, it's the friends that stick around for the long haul that truly are a huge blessing. I love watching the way things can change over the years...and yet that bond somehow always remains intact...even if it may be slightly different than it was to begin with.

My heart has been longing for some good ol' honesty lately...and today was just what I needed.

(pics taken on a short trip a couple of weekends ago)

I think that is why I have such a passion to help other women...because I know that all of us, whether we realize it or not, crave that gut level honesty in our friendships. We just want someone to know us...and not just on a surface level. It's easy to ask someone how they are doing in passing...but much harder to really take the time to find out how they are really doing. We are all guilty of it, but it needs to stop. We need to care more about each other and what's going on in each other's lives. It can't stop at the surface.

My hope and prayer is that all of us will find someone (or someones) we can confide in that will fill this need in our lives.