10 Year Anniversary

I mentioned in an earlier blog post (from either the end of last year or beginning of this year) that Josh and I were celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this year.

We have been talking for years about how we wanted to celebrate this milestone. Originally we thought we would go back to Maui (where we spent our honeymoon) to celebrate where everything kind of started. Then we started throwing around the idea of Walt Disney World. We both love Disney (if you hadn't guessed by now) and thought it would be super fun to take a trip there!

The problem we kept running into was timing. We didn't have enough money saved to go in February (when our anniversary is). So we thought about going in September to give us more time to save up. We were seriously planning on going in September until all of the hurricanes hit last year (2017). Realizing that we would be there during hurricane season, we figured it probably wasn't the best plan. So, we decided to shoot for our 11th wedding anniversary since we should be out of hurricane season by then.

Fast forward to this year. Josh was getting email alerts about cheap flights pretty often. And he'd joke with me about going somewhere like Paris or Italy. I honestly thought that was never going to happen for us. But then we started looking into how much a trip like that would cost. And with a cheap flight, we would actually be spending about the same amount of money to go to Europe as we would to go to Florida!

So, we started saving our money and soon had our trip planned!

All of that to say, we spent almost two weeks in August in Paris, London and Dublin!

I could literally write pages upon pages about everything we did and saw and experienced, but I'm going to sum everything up so it's not too long!

We started our trip in Paris! We spent two days in Disneyland Paris and 1.5 days exploring the city! We went to Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and the Champs Elysees!

 In front of their Sleeping Beauty castle!

 The entrance to the park! It's so pretty!

 We ate at the Ratatouille restaurant!

 Inside Disney Studios

 Notre Dame!

 In front of the Arc de Triomphe

At a sidewalk cafe on the Champs Elysees

From there, we headed to Dublin! Dublin was a last minute addition. When we initially talked about the trip, we were thinking we would go to Paris and Italy. But quickly realized we needed a lot of time in Italy to go to all of the places we wanted to see. So then we decided on Paris and London (for two major reasons: Disneyland Paris and the WB Harry Potter Studio Tour)! As we started planning out where we were going to stay, we decided to throw in 2 days in Dublin (because flights and trains and a lot of the transportation over there is really inexpensive). We ended up having less than 48 hours in Dublin but I loved every minute of it! I wish we'd had more time but we got to do a lot of cool stuff! We went to The Temple Bar and other pubs in the Temple Bar district, we toured the Guinness plant, visited Christ's Church and St. Patrick's Cathedral, as well as Trinity College and St. Stephen's Green.

 The Temple Bar!

 Learning how to properly drink Guinness

 Former Guinness Advertisements

 Christ's Church

 St. Patrick's Cathedral

 A very old library inside Trinity College

 St. Stephen's Green

We then spent 3.5 days in London! We did a double decker bus tour, visited Westminster Abbey, saw a play (Aladdin) and did the Harry Potter Studio Tour!

 On the top of the double decker bus

 The dragons signify that you are entering the City of London

 Tower Bridge

 Westminster Abbey

Waiting to see Aladdin!

 At Platform 9 3/4 in the real Kings Cross Station

I let all those pictures speak for themselves. The tour was one of my most favorite parts of our whole trip!

It was a lot of fun but we were definitely both ready to come home! Paris was our least favorite place and we don't necessarily feel like we ever have to go there again. But we would love to go back to Dublin and London someday!

2018 So Far

I never got on here to share about my goals for myself for this year.

Honestly, I was feeling so overwhelmed in the beginning of year with life that I didn't really want to take time to assess goals.

Balancing life and letting go of fears are constants on my list every year. Because I'm still learning how those two things work. Also, if you didn't read my last blog post, I talked about how my pain has played into every part of my life. And that is something else I'm working on.

I'm still striving to look more like Jesus, and as I've mentioned before, that will always be an ongoing thing.

I picked a word for this year, something I haven't done very often. I usually look back at the year and see what word stuck out to me. But this year, I picked the word Shine. These are the reasons why:

1. I want to Shine in all I do. I want to be a light and a bright spot in the lives of those around me and in those I come in contact with. I want to Shine in my day-to-day and in my work.

2. I want to help others to Shine. I want to be an encourager to those around me to Shine in all they do in life. I want to help spur others on to achieve their goals and dreams.

I wrote those words out in my Color Street group on December 29th. Almost 9 months later, it makes me a little teary-eyed thinking about how this has already happened in many ways.

I don't talk very often about my Color Street business to those in my life (unless they are a part of this business). I don't mean I don't talk about the product (because I do), but I don't talk about the business side of it. I'm not the type of person that wants to bug anyone or turn anyone off. I don't want to come across as spammy. So I refrain from sharing things often because I don't want to annoy anyone.

But I'm going to share a little now. Because I've seen that second point happen quite often this year.

As I mentioned above, I wrote those words on December 29th in my group. That very day, I had my very first person join my Color Street team. My team continued to grow each month and is now 24 strong (at the time of publishing)!

I take my responsibility as a leader very seriously. I have always believed wholeheartedly in leading by example and in being the biggest cheerleader for anyone I'm leading. This is the first time I've been in this type of leadership position. It is definitely challenging at times, but the rewards far outweigh the challenges.

I have literally watched girls on my team achieve huge goals and dreams in their lives. I have celebrated their achievements in Color Street, but also their achievements outside of Color Street. I have mourned with them, I have cried with them and I have cheered them on from the front row. I have watched them Shine.

A lot of hard things happened this year. A lot of really beautiful things happened this year. And a lot of in-between things happened this year.

But I am still striving for my goals for this year. I'm still striving to Shine in all I do. I'm still learning to be a better version of me. I'm still learning how to balance life and let go of fears.

I've cried many tears. I've laughed a lot. I've squealed with delight. I've felt tired and worn out.

But I keep going. I keep moving forward, I keep striving and I keep loving on those around me.

That is how my 2018 has been so far.

Pain and Trauma

I still haven't really decided what I want to do with this space yet.

It's been five months since I've typed up a new blog post, but today I got the itch to write.

I've been reading Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis this month with my Color Street team. I have found many amazing things in this book that have really stuck out to me, but I think the chapter I read today took the cake.

One of the things that really struck me was this:

You cannot ignore your pain. You cannot ever leave it behind completely. The only thing you can do is find a way to embrace the good that came out of it - even if it takes you years to discover what that is (chapter 15: The Lie: I will never get past this).

One of the things I've been learning about myself over the past 2.75 years that I've been doing myofascial release therapy is that I have literally been responding to trauma and painful situations the same way my entire life: I freeze or stiffen up. I was reminded this week while at one of my appointments of a painful experience that happened in my childhood.

I was in elementary school and was literally in a constant state of headache. My mom took me to the doctor and they ran a bunch of tests. One was some sort of CT scan. I believe it was a contrast CT, because I was being injected with some kind of liquid when this painful experience took place. The man injecting me was having an issue finding my vein, and instead of pulling it out and trying again, he was moving the needle in my arm back and forth to try to find it. Honestly, it was one of the most painful things I've ever had to endure! I literally could not move that arm for three days after. It was bent against my abdomen, like your arm would be if it's in a sling.

As I was recalling this story, my myofascial therapist responded, "So your reaction to pain has always been to stiffen up".

I don't know why I never put those two pieces together, but I realize now that she was right. Every time I've been in a painful situation, I have made myself stiff so as not to feel the pain, or at least not to feel it fully. And whatever brought on this intense stiffness that I'm experiencing now (which is more than likely my body responding to years of this), has been much more intense than those 3 days or any other episode ever were.

Knowing this information now, and realizing that this has been a pattern of mine my whole life, I'm more determined than ever to break these habits. I often notice that even when I don't realize it, some area of my body is not relaxed. Sometimes it requires a lot of energy for me to relax and let go of whatever muscles I'm holding on to. And it's not even because of something super traumatic! I have just conditioned my body that this is how I am supposed to react to negative situations.

So where do I go from here? What do I take away from this revelation and the words I read tonight? That I need to acknowledge my pain, feel it, sit in it as long as I need to but also try to see what good possibly came from it. Maybe not every situation in my life is there yet. I'm a work in progress, as we all are, and maybe my body isn't ready for complete healing.

But knowing what I know now, and being more aware of how I've functioned my entire life, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. For many years, I thought I might live with this forever. And while I can't predict the future, I honestly have a lot of faith and hope that this is not going to be my permanent state. I've been in this place for 7.5 years now. Not as severely as I was 2.5 years ago, but it also wasn't as severe as it is now when it started. But I know I have hope that this will change. That I will continue to learn and grow and work on the areas in my life that need work. That I will keep striving forward, tears in my eyes at times, crying through the pain, to be a better version of me. To not be a pain-free version of myself, but a version that doesn't stiffen up and freeze when the pain does come.


******

Oh and in case you were wondering, my headaches were caused by the fact that my neck was out of alignment. My mom took me to a chiropractor after the doctors could find nothing wrong with me and my headache went away after a couple of treatments.

Changes

I think I want to get back to writing because I have something to share.

I have enjoyed having a spot to look back on with my monthly wrap-ups, but I also feel like that's all this blog has been the last few years.

I used to share more of my heart and my thoughts and I miss that.



I feel like a lot of change has been happening within me and all around me these past few months. Good and bad changes. And everything in between.

I decided to stop selling LuLaRoe. For a number of reasons, but mostly because I just feel overwhelmed by it physically and emotionally. I feel like it's time for a change. Plus, it's been really hard working three jobs since November. And I'm really enjoying Color Street. So I'm closing up my LuLaRoe shop very soon.

My sister and brother-in-law are in the process of becoming resource family approved with the intent to adopt! I am so excited for them and this next step in their journey! And I'm excited to be an aunt again!

There have been a lot of changes at church too. I feel like things have been changing there for the past 5 years. Sometimes it feels like we are in a constant state of flux.

But in spite of all the changes, we keep moving forward in life, keep moving toward what we think we should be doing.



Josh and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in February! It's so hard to believe we've been together that long, but at the same time it seems like it's been much longer. I'm starting to forget specific dates and things from early on in our relationship that I used to remember so well. Not that I've forgotten them completely, but because so much time has passed, they aren't in the forefront of my mind anymore. It makes me a little sad, but I know that's how the passage of time works.



I might share some of my monthly wrap-ups. I might not. I've even contemplated starting a new blog to share my thoughts and leave this one as is. But I'm not sure yet. I just know it feels good to be behind a keyboard typing again.

Cherished

It's been a long time since I've sat down to write out a blog post. I had every intention of doing one in January and then time got away from me. And now we are nearing the end of March.

I'm writing this on a plane on my way home from Colorado. Of course this won't be published until quite awhile after I get home. But my heart hurts and it's time to write some words down about why.

My beautiful CO bestie, that I cherish so very much, lost her amazing sister this past week. She fought a long almost 7 year battle with cancer. She did it. She fought hard and she no longer has to fight anymore.

I remember the very first time I met her. It was just days before she found out she had cancer. She was so full of joy, even though she had no idea why her body was doing such strange things. We went on to develop a sweet friendship. I got to spend time with her on almost every one of my trips to Colorado. We bonded over our mutual love of Gilmore Girls and Harry Potter. She surprised my husband and I two Christmases ago with scarfs she crocheted in our Hogwarts house colors. She would also write me the sweetest texts and comments on my Instagram. I feel like I barely knew her but knew her so well at the same time. She instantly made me feel so loved and cherished.

Her heart for other people, for the hurting and broken, for those everyone else would ignore, was so precious. There will never be another person on this earth just like Mary. She was a special gift. A gift I'm glad to have known, even for the short time that I had with her.

I got to say goodbye to her this weekend and celebrate her life. It was such a hard day, but it was also so very beautiful. We cried a lot, we laughed, we talked about how amazing she was and we danced. She truly would have loved every minute of that day. I'm not sure that I've ever been to a funeral that "perfect" before. It was Mary through and through.

I will miss her random texts. I will miss her kind words. I will miss her voice and how truly happy she was to see me whenever I was there for a visit. I will miss so much but I will always cherish and treasure every single interaction I ever had with her.