3 years

It's been a little over three years now...
In some ways, it's seems like it's been so much longer. In other ways, so much shorter...
The day came and past last week. I didn't even think about it until the 17th. Then I realized I missed the 16th. The morning of the 17th, as I drove home from dropping Josh off at work, two songs played on the radio that broke my heart. That song "Come to Jesus" by Chris Rice that Ron Guiterrez sang at Jeanette's funeral. And How He Loves by David Crowder Band. Both made the tears start welling up in my eyes. Later on that afternoon, that new song by Steven Curtis Chapman came on that he wrote about his little girl that died last year. Coincidence? I think not.
I think Jesus was reminding me that even though it hurts that Grandpa is gone now, HE is still there to wrap His arms around me. Grandpa wouldn't want me to be sad anymore. It just still hurts every time I see the pictures from our wedding and see the one with us and Grandma...and the empty spot where Grandpa would have been. I know it shouldn't make me sad. He got to meet Josh. He got to see how wonderful of a man I was going to marry. I was there when God took him home. I shouldn't be sad anymore...yet, in some moments, I can't help it. Every time I think of Ryan, I think of the last time we saw him...after Grandpa died...
I try to think positively. I try to remember that Grandpa is no longer suffering through lung cancer. He gets to be with Jesus EVERY day! No more pain, no more worries of this life. A friend said something the other day that, although I've heard it before, it hit home more this time around:
For Christians, this life is the only hell we will ever know.
It's so true. And, every time things get hard, I hope to remind myself of that. No matter how hard this life gets, it's much easier than what an eternity in hell could be like. I will take this crap every day and know that Jesus is on my side.