On Women and Community

God is really stirring up some things in my heart about women and how we should interact with one another.

I have been reading a lot of blog posts about a women's conference that happened last weekend in Texas called HopeSpoken. I love the fact that the women there were encouraged to share their stories and to be there for each other in authentic ways. We as women are not supposed to walk this earth alone. And many of us are in stages in life where we desperately need relationships with other women.

I went through a phase when Josh and I first got married where I only wanted to spend time with him. I loved my friends, but I felt like every spare moment we had (which were very few and far between in those days), had to be spent together. After a few months of this thinking, I finally realized how much I missed my girlfriends and girl time. It became something I craved and needed on a regular basis. And it's something I still need and crave on a regular basis.

I wish with all my heart that all of my most cherished friends lived around the corner from me, but none of them do. Some don't even live in the same state or country, let alone the same city. But even so, I am incredibly thankful for the ways in which we are able to communicate.

My oldest friend and I have been through so much together. We have seen and experienced a lot of good and bad in each other's lives. We have walked with each other through some very ugly and pretty times in each of our lives. And God has used every one of those moments to shape and grow our relationship...we are still friends 14+ years later and I think that is a huge testimony to how God has used us to help mold and shape each other over the years.

One of my other dear friends has been in my life for 11+ years. We have had some really hard times in our friendship but we have also had some incredibly beautiful ones. Each of us have dealt with a lot of heartache in the last couple of years and I am so thankful that we have been able to be there for each other. She challenges me in so many ways and I am so thankful for her.

One of my other most cherished friends has been in my life for about five and a half years now, but we have only really been friends for about four years. And I would say that our relationship has only blossomed and grown in such beautiful ways as the time has gone on. She has been one of my greatest cheerleaders in life and she always has the right words to say...even if I don't want to hear them. We have both walked through some really tough situations with our sisters and having the other person there through it all helped each of us so much. I honestly don't know if I would have gotten through the past year without her.

I have many other women in my life who mean so much to me and have been incredible friends...and I could honestly write about all of them for days. But the focus of this isn't to brag about how incredible my friends are (even though that's totally true). It's to emphasize how incredibly important it is that we as women have other women cheering us on, have girlfriends that we are in community with who are a part of our village (even if that village extends many miles), and have faithful friends who love us through every circumstance in life, even when we may not love ourselves very much.

The majority of the women I have in my life are not very much like me. We have things in common (some more than others) but life would be boring if every single one of my friends was just like me. I need women in my life that have differing views on things and that enjoy different music and activities...and who don't have an obsession with Starbucks (though I think many of them do). But most of all, I need women who can challenge me to think outside of the box sometimes, who will make me ask and answer tough questions and who will point out the things and attitudes in me that aren't so pretty. I value honesty and authenticity so much in my friendships. I hate masks and I hate feeling like I have to wear one, ever. I want to be me and to be real. And while I don't think I can be 100% me with every person in my life, I'm so thankful that I can be with some.

I truly believe that God calls us into community with one another and calls us to carry each other's burdens. If I needed to hop on a plane and be in Colorado tomorrow morning because my beautiful friend needed me, I would figure out a way to get there and go. If I need to rearrange a busy weekend or cancel all of my plans because a friend is going through a really hard time, I absolutely will. God calls us to love one another, as much as we love ourselves. That means that I have to be willing to do for my friends what I would do for myself, if I were in those situations. It means I sometimes have to put my agenda and my plans aside and focus on what is much more important. It means I have to be Jesus in someone else's life, because He's put me on this earth and in their life for that very reason.

So while I'm still learning all of the time what it means to be a good friend, I'm so thankful for the things God has been showing me about the ways women need each other.