Looking Forward

I've made it a little tradition the past couple of years to write about some hopes and dreams I have for the new year.

I posted about the results of my hopes for 2015 here, in case you missed it.

I think the reality of this being a new year hasn't completely set in yet for me. December was such a busy month that I felt like I barely had time to breathe or think, let alone do some reflection on my life and where I'd like to see it going in 2016.

While this last year was really fun and I have a lot of really great memories from different moments and conversations spent with loved ones, I questioned my purpose a lot. I feel like one of my biggest hopes for this year is to try and figure out what I should be doing with my life. When Josh and I first got married, I was planning to finish school to become a high school English teacher. After some things didn't work out initially for me to finish school, I started thinking that being a teacher might not be the best career path for me. Around that time, we also started doing the college group at our church and it took up a huge part of our lives for over three years. I loved being able to serve in that ministry for the time that we did, and I know God taught us a lot during that time.

While that was going on, we were also in the midst of really trying to get pregnant, only to realize that our plans and our wants obviously weren't what God had in mind for us at that moment in time. It was a really hard road to get to that point, but we are both much happier being on this side of the heartache. Even though we may never have our own children (biological or otherwise), we have gotten to a place where our little family of two is enough...whether that be forever or just for a few more years. So being a mom was what I thought my purpose was for awhile.

After doing the college group, we continued to be involved in other Bible studies and ministries at church. We were both involved in worship (me-singing, Josh-doing the tech side of it), and I was co-leading Bible studies with a few different women. Then leadership changes started happening in our church and we lost and gained pastors. In the midst of those changes and transitional periods, we both stopped being involved with worship, and Josh started to help out with youth again. I have more recently been involved in women's Bible studies again, but there was a period of time where I wasn't doing that either.

So when I say I need to figure out what I should be doing with my life, I mean in an area of service. It's hard for me to commit to something too major because of my body issues (the biggest reason I stopped being involved with worship was because being up on the stage for long periods of time with the stage lights was giving me migraines), but I know I need to be doing more than I'm doing right now. I just don't know what that all looks like yet, so I'm hoping to do some more praying and seeking to try and figure out where I can best serve.

I also still feel very strongly about encouraging women. I think it's something I've been good at (totally not trying to brag here at all, but I really do feel like it's something God has continuously led me to do in my life) and I really need to get into the practice of doing it more often. I've gone back and forth about different ways to make this happen on a more regular basis, so I'm hoping to get some clarity on what this could look like as a ministry or a way to best help others.

As for other things, I know I need to continue to work on balance and letting go of fears in my life. Both are going to take time, but I know it's important that I continue to figure out how best to accomplish both of those things in my life.

I feel like it's ok for this to be all that I'm striving for so far this year. I love the freshness of a new year and how it feels like a clean slate in some ways, but I also know that things change and happen at other times in the year as well. So if things do come up that I feel I need to be working on this year, I will add them to my list for 2016.

Here's to what lies ahead and hopefully learning and growing more!