Our Happy Place

So about this time last year, Josh and I started talking about what we wanted to do to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary.

We have some goals and some things we have talked about doing in 2014. So, we decided that this year, we wanted to squeeze in some extra fun time...and our favorite place, our happy place, is Disneyland!

We got to spend a wonderful few days in the happiest place on Earth. We got to experience and try some things there that we've never done before. It may have been extremely hot and humid, and we may have been sweating all day, every day, but it was worth it. We have some precious memories to store away in our memory banks.

These are our "we're finally here" faces!

It really is tough to be a bug...

One of those fun things that we'd never done before was the Walk in Walt's Disneyland Footsteps tour. If you've never been on a tour at Disneyland (we never had!), I highly recommend this one. It's a little pricey but it's totally worth it for all that it comes with.

Us inside Walt's apartment over the firehouse on Main Street (you can only go in there if you go on the tour!)

The mist coming off this ride felt pretty good with the heat we were experiencing

We had to take our traditional pics in front of the Mickey flowers first thing in the morning so we didn't look too sweaty in the pictures

In front of the Monsters University door (trying to be scary monsters. Obviously)

We have a friend that works at Disneyland now as a photographer. We got to meet up with her and have her take some pics of us! It was really fun.

We ate at Ariel's Grotto for the first time and did the World of Color package. The food was so yummy!

A beautiful picture of Mickey's Fun Wheel while we were waiting for World of Color to start (FYI, if you stand right along the water's edge, you will get soaked. We learned that lesson the hard way)

Our beautiful photographer friend! We ran into her on our way out of the park on our last day there.

We had such a fun trip and can't wait to go back...hopefully when it's not as hot!

Marriage

We just started on a new journey with our little marriage group.

We are going through the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. So far, it's been pretty interesting.

One of the things I've found fascinating in the few marriage books we've studied is the common theme of how marriage is not supposed to be all about your personal happiness and constant romantic notions and love. Marriage is supposed to be about bringing you and your spouse closer to God...because marriage forces you to reveal and expose things in each other that other relationships won't be able to do on the same level.

It's been a hard concept for me to swallow, being the huge fan of chick flicks and Disney movies that I am. No one, not one single person, told me before I got married how hard it would be to be a wife, how it's not all mushy feeling all the time, and that you can actually "fall out of love" with your spouse. None of the marriage books I'd read before we got married even hinted at any of that stuff. Maybe that it would be hard...but they never really explained why.

Having been married for over five and a half years, I've definitely learned a thing or two...and I'm still learning every day. It is hard to be married. It is hard to choose to love another person every single day of your life...especially when you're pissed off and frustrated. It takes a lot of work to make sure that you are giving of yourself in the ways that your spouse needs you to. And it takes a lot of effort to spend quality time together (meaning time not spent in front of the TV or computer. Serious one on one conversation time).

The whole concept of putting someone else's needs before your own is just hard. Marriage has shown me time and time again just how incredibly selfish I am. We were talking in our group last night that even little things like giving your spouse the bigger piece of pie can be hard...let alone bigger things.

But that's what makes marriage so great. It is our responsibility to recognize our faults when they come up and do something to change them. It's not about changing our spouses into the people we want them to be; it's about our heart change...and about us drawing closer to God.

While it may not be the easiest thing in the world (and many days and in different seasons of life it can be the hardest thing in the world), marriage is truly a beautiful thing. Being able to intimately share my life day in and day out with Josh has been such a blessing. Yes, we fight and disagree and annoy the crap out of each other often...but we also point each other in the right directions, show love to each other in the midst of hard times, and try our best to be encouraging to each other.

It's the hardest relationship I've ever had to maintain, but it's so worth it.

Sneak peek from our fun trip last week!

On Being Myself and Friendships

One of my biggest hopes for this past year...well really the past two years...was to feel like I could be myself around my friends.

I have such a hard time sometimes worrying about what other people think of me. So much so that I often won't speak up or just stay quiet in situations where saying something is probably really beneficial.

I'm still not great at this, but I have definitely seen some major improvements in myself.

A couple of my friends who know me the best and have actually experienced the real me don't even live near me anymore. But it is truly so refreshing to know that I can pick up my phone and text or call or email them and pour out my heart or voice my concerns...and they totally know what to say. I definitely have this kind of relationship with some of my friends that live near me as well and it's such a blessing.

I'm not a perfect person. I screw up on a daily basis. I say and do things constantly that I know I shouldn't. But it's so encouraging to know that my friends still love me, still encourage me, and still want to hang out with me, in spite of all of that.

I really don't feel like I express my gratitude enough for my friends. I have been so very blessed with amazing people in my life that I seriously don't know what I would do without. God always knows what we truly need and He is so faithful in providing it. For a girl who spent many years of her life without friends or with only one or two, I truly appreciate His provision for this time in my life when I really need strong, amazing friends with beautiful hearts.

So today, I just want to say thank you to all of my wonderful friends. I am so incredibly blessed by all of you.

In Remembrance

On this day, the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I just wanted to take the time to remember.

As it is now 12 years ago, the memories of where I was when I found out and the horrible pictures and images we watched on the TV screen are starting to get a little fuzzy...and I don't want to them to. I don't want to forget.

It was a horrible day, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. My heart was breaking for all of the families who lost loved ones. For all of the people who lost jobs. For our country that would never be the same.

Yet it was also a very encouraging time. I remember people praying so much more. God and His love and provisions were talked about on national television as if that was the norm. Our country was brought to its knees and turned its eyes upward.

I don't ever want to forget that day and all that it brought and all that it meant.

This picture is still one of my favorite images. In spite of all the wreckage and carnage and horrible things, we still stand.

On that day, I was never more proud to be an American.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families who lost loved ones that are grieving today.

Shifting

I feel like my heart toward blogging is shifting again.

I have had one of the toughest, most emotional years of my life...and it's kept me very closed off. There are many things I don't feel like I can share with the outside world...and yet so many things I wish I could.

I love blogging about what's on my heart and what I'm learning and struggling with, in the hopes that it will help someone else who may need to hear my words. But I also know that some things are just too much or too personal and can't be shared, in spite of what benefit they might have to someone reading them.

Because of this, my blogging has become more sparse...and most of the topics I do choose to write about have become very light and happy.

It has been good...going through this journey and changing and molding and adapting. I don't want to lose my love of writing and sharing my heart...but I also want to be sensitive and mindful of what I'm sharing.

Because I've pulled away so much, I've lost many of the connections I had with other bloggers. I would email other bloggers quite often and comment on their blogs. There were many bloggers I wanted to meet in person and have coffee with someday. I wanted to go to a couple of different blogger conferences, but was never able to afford the cost of getting there. And I've stopped doing many of the weekly link ups I used to enjoy so much.

Sometimes it stings a little to know that I've lost some of these connections, because there are some truly amazing female bloggers out there with incredible hearts. But one thing I noticed about myself when I was constantly trying to connect with these women was that I was disconnecting myself from the real world. I wasn't connecting with the women that were right in front of my face, in my daily life.

So even though it hurts a little to know that I've probably missed out on some amazing opportunities and conversations, I'm very thankful that I identified this problem. I have a hard enough time connecting with the women in my life right now, let alone women I don't even know in person. I need to focus on what's in front of me instead of on what could have been.

Ain't that the story of every area of my life...

With all that said, I really do want to make blogging a bigger part of my life. I spend far too much time wishing I was better at it instead of doing something about it. Like I do with many areas of my life. So, it's time to make a change.

I am excited to share my fall and Christmas inspirations, the pictures of our latest fun trip and all the fun stuff we have planned through the end of the year, and the things on my heart that I feel comfortable sharing.

A new season is quickly approaching (even though the weather would suggest otherwise) and it's time for a new season to begin for me in blogging.