It's been a little over three years since I stopped taking birth control...and I still don't have a baby.
And, surprisingly? I'm actually pretty ok with it.
There are still days that I long so badly to be a mother. I mostly get that itch when I'm holding one of my nieces, or see a cute baby at church or in the store. But there are also many days that I don't think about it at all.
And while this scared me quite a bit at first, because I thought I was losing the desire altogether to be a mother, I really don't believe this is the case.
I think I'm just finally learning to be content with where my life is right now.
I've said multiple times in the past couple of years that if we had a baby, we wouldn't be able to do half the stuff that we've done (serving projects, overnight retreats, late night hang outs with our friends, etc.)...but I don't think I really believed that and meant it until now.
I seriously have been taking the time to really evaluate my life and what's important to me...and I've seen the things I've been able to accomplish and do. I would not have been able to do very many of them at all (or at least, not in the same way) if I had a small child right now.
While God knows this is still a very big desire of mine, He also knows what's ultimately best for me.
And, right now, I think that where He has us and what He has us doing is best...better than having a baby (at least until that changes, of course).
As far as the technical side of things, we are not pursuing any kinds of treatments or help or testing of any sort at the moment. We really feel strongly that for now, we will just wait things out and see what happens.
If you would have told me three years ago that in three years from that point, I still wouldn't have a baby, I might have fainted. But, having lived the past three years, I'm really ok with it.
I guess I'm really learning that God truly does know what's best for us. Even when we can't see it for ourselves. Even when we are so blinded by the deep desires and longings of our hearts that we refuse to see anything else...His way is always best.
And, as of right now, I am totally ok with that.
4 comments:
you are so right! being content in every season of our life is the best place to be. or we would miss out on what He has for us in those moments! i truly believe God knows the desires of our hearts and provides according to His perfect timing! enjoy every special moment with your hubby. you are in my prayers friend!
My husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 years and we do not have any children yet. I have been chronically ill for a long time, so we on our own are not completely confident in how things would be if I were to get pregnant. We are totally leaving it up to God he knows if we are meant to be parents or not. We have a wonderful relationship and I think we will be fine it we don't have children, I just don't want our families to be disappointed in us. I also worry that if we get to attached to an idea, either having kids or not having them, that God might choose the opposite, but I have to leave it in His hands!
Praise God for the peace that we cannot even explain! Amen sister, isn't great how much He can bless us in times of such suffering?!?! I think and pray for you often!
I am sure this must have been tough to write, but I am glad that you got it out. Good for you, wait on GOD!
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