It is now officially May.
We had lots of April showers, so I am expecting some beautiful May flowers. In fact, I need some May flowers. Some pink tulips, and yellow roses, and white daisies. That would make things all better.
It's weird what spring does to me. Each year, when the weather starts shifting from the cold gusts of winter to the warm, gentle breezes of spring, I have this immediate flashback to every spring from high school until now. I remember nights at youth group, watching the boys throw the football. I remember going on walks around the neighborhood with good friends. I remember the time I tried roller blading with my best friend and falling into her neighbor's rose bush. I remember the text message Josh sent me that day at Delta when we met for lunch for the first time (with Kevin W). I remember the trip to Disneyland I took with Laura, Catherine, and Josh to hang out with our friends down there. I remember the smells of freshly made fudge at Hallmark. I remember the drives Josh and I used to take and the serious conversations we used to have on those drives.
But even though all these wonderful memories flood my mind, I can't help but feel a little sad. There's something about spring that does that to me. Maybe it is the fact that I will never be able to live those moments again. Maybe it is the fact that winter is over and I have to put away my sweaters and warm socks. Or maybe it is the fact that spring around here brings April showers, and they make me long for more of the sun.
Whatever the reason, spring bums me out more than it cheers me up. And yet, God still reminds me that He's with me, even through the spring. This is how He reminded me tonight:
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:12b-13 (NIV)
So tonight, in the midst of my blues, I am learning to lean on God more and more. I can do everything with God's help. I can conquer these spring blues. It is a new month and I am embracing it. I am looking forward to May flowers, May weddings, May birthdays, and May dates. I am going to be content in this spring and know that God is with me...and has never left me...
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Influences and Role Models
I had a really good conversation with a great friend last night.
Our husbands were busy fixing computer issues, so we had a couple of undivided hours to just talk and hang out. It was so refreshing.
Somehow, we got on the subject of the stars (as in famous people) and how crazy it is the way those of us that aren't stars follow their every move. How we feel the need to know who's dating who, who just divorced, and who got drunk and did something embarrassing again.
Our conversation then shifted to the stars who start out as role models and progressively become more "mature" as the years go on. Since my friend has kids who are very into the Disney channel and Nickelodeon, she was talking about the concerns she has when these "role models" go bad. One day, a singer is promoting abstinence and the next she is flaunting her now fake body for the whole world to see. We even talked about the shows on TV that start off with a Christian family with good morals and two years later, all the kids are hooking up with whoever they can get their hands on.
It got me thinking about how much value we put in life on role models. Whether we realize it or not, all of us, no matter how young or old, have at least one person that we look up to. It may be a singer on American Idol who started off living a life very similar to our own...and gets a great record deal. Or the woman next door who keeps a perfectly clean house...and has the three most well-behaved children around. Or even the guy who works his butt off to lose weight...and succeeds. We all look up to someone and wish we were more like them. And sometimes, it is definitely unintentional.
I then started thinking about the influences we have in our lives. The people we choose to surround ourselves with definitely have an impact on how we act and who we will become. My friend and I were talking about how easy it is to keep sinning or struggling with something when we don't have someone in our lives to confide in and get accountability from. It's like, the fact that no one knows about it keeps us from being embarrassed about it, so it's easy for it to continue. And how, when we allow ourselves to have those open, honest relationships with others, we tend to not struggle as much...or if we do, we will feel guilty about lying about it when asked how things are going.
I know there have definitely been times in my life that I have ignored things I was struggling with and pretended they weren't an issue. I wasn't telling anyone about them either, so it made it easier to continue down the horrible path I was taking. But when I have decided to confide in someone and ask for their prayers and accountability, it makes me feel more free in life. Knowing that someone else knows and will probably be able to tell if I'm lying about it makes it harder to enjoy the temporary happiness it brings.
I think I am finally getting to a point in my life where I am ok with where I've been and who I am right now. I feel good talking about my struggles with others, admitting that I've had problems, and asking for help to move forward. But I also want to be that person for others...and I know I definitely am in some of my friends' lives. I've had to learn that the people I spend the most time with need to be those that are going to help me, not bring me down or make me feel stupid for the decisions I make. And sometimes, that means that I can't just assume that because someone goes to church, that they are the best person for me to spend all my time with. It has to be someone who is serious about their faith, who walks with God every day, and who longs to grow closer to Him. Because that positive influence in my life is so helpful in encouraging me to do what I need to do to get closer to God.
I want to be a good role model... though I know I am not perfect.
I have definitely had my share of struggles, but I want to be able to show others that it's possible to move past things with God's help...and with the help of positive influences in my life.
That is the goal I am shooting for right now.
Our husbands were busy fixing computer issues, so we had a couple of undivided hours to just talk and hang out. It was so refreshing.
Somehow, we got on the subject of the stars (as in famous people) and how crazy it is the way those of us that aren't stars follow their every move. How we feel the need to know who's dating who, who just divorced, and who got drunk and did something embarrassing again.
Our conversation then shifted to the stars who start out as role models and progressively become more "mature" as the years go on. Since my friend has kids who are very into the Disney channel and Nickelodeon, she was talking about the concerns she has when these "role models" go bad. One day, a singer is promoting abstinence and the next she is flaunting her now fake body for the whole world to see. We even talked about the shows on TV that start off with a Christian family with good morals and two years later, all the kids are hooking up with whoever they can get their hands on.
It got me thinking about how much value we put in life on role models. Whether we realize it or not, all of us, no matter how young or old, have at least one person that we look up to. It may be a singer on American Idol who started off living a life very similar to our own...and gets a great record deal. Or the woman next door who keeps a perfectly clean house...and has the three most well-behaved children around. Or even the guy who works his butt off to lose weight...and succeeds. We all look up to someone and wish we were more like them. And sometimes, it is definitely unintentional.
I then started thinking about the influences we have in our lives. The people we choose to surround ourselves with definitely have an impact on how we act and who we will become. My friend and I were talking about how easy it is to keep sinning or struggling with something when we don't have someone in our lives to confide in and get accountability from. It's like, the fact that no one knows about it keeps us from being embarrassed about it, so it's easy for it to continue. And how, when we allow ourselves to have those open, honest relationships with others, we tend to not struggle as much...or if we do, we will feel guilty about lying about it when asked how things are going.
I know there have definitely been times in my life that I have ignored things I was struggling with and pretended they weren't an issue. I wasn't telling anyone about them either, so it made it easier to continue down the horrible path I was taking. But when I have decided to confide in someone and ask for their prayers and accountability, it makes me feel more free in life. Knowing that someone else knows and will probably be able to tell if I'm lying about it makes it harder to enjoy the temporary happiness it brings.
I think I am finally getting to a point in my life where I am ok with where I've been and who I am right now. I feel good talking about my struggles with others, admitting that I've had problems, and asking for help to move forward. But I also want to be that person for others...and I know I definitely am in some of my friends' lives. I've had to learn that the people I spend the most time with need to be those that are going to help me, not bring me down or make me feel stupid for the decisions I make. And sometimes, that means that I can't just assume that because someone goes to church, that they are the best person for me to spend all my time with. It has to be someone who is serious about their faith, who walks with God every day, and who longs to grow closer to Him. Because that positive influence in my life is so helpful in encouraging me to do what I need to do to get closer to God.
I want to be a good role model... though I know I am not perfect.
I have definitely had my share of struggles, but I want to be able to show others that it's possible to move past things with God's help...and with the help of positive influences in my life.
That is the goal I am shooting for right now.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Break Through
We met with our college group tonight, as we do every Thursday.
And like most Thursdays of late, we had a smaller group.
So many of our students are working or taking night classes and aren't able to be there every week. But, in spite of that, every week we still have great discussions and enjoy spending time with each other.
We finished the book of James tonight. It has been a great journey, in both our Wednesday study and our college group, to read through this book. For being such a short book, James is jam-packed with hard-to-hear but need-to-hear truths.
As we read through the fifth chapter tonight, I enjoyed listening to the discussion around me. The thing I love about smaller groups is that everyone seems to feel a lot more at ease sharing their opinions. I have so enjoyed watching the students in this group grow over the last 7 months. To hear the things they've learned from the passage and to see the lightbulb click on behind their eyes is so exciting to me. And tonight was no different.
I think one of the biggest things they walked away with tonight was found in James 5:16:
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
And also verses 19-20:
My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
I don't think it had ever really occurred to them how important it is to have people in your life that you can openly discuss your struggles with and ask for prayer, accountability, and guidance from. It was so great for me to see how excited they were at this concept.
I think it's truly freeing to be that open with another human being. God knows every single thought we think, every time we screw up, and every time we hurt over our sins...and yet, many times, we think we can hide from Him and He won't see it (which is ridiculous, but we still do it all the time). But when another person knows, it's that much harder to hide from it and pretend like it's not there.
There are very few people in my life that know about my struggles, past and present. I definitely try my best to hide the ugly parts of my life from people. But those that do know, those I have shared openly with, I have such a different bond with. I think it's because they know the real me, the true me, the WHOLE me...not just the me I let everyone see. It's so freeing to be that humble with someone, knowing that they want the best for you, and want to help you succeed in your walk. I am so thankful for those amazing people in my life.
I love watching these students experience a break through in their walks with Christ. It's so encouraging and it draws me much closer to the arms of my Savior.
And like most Thursdays of late, we had a smaller group.
So many of our students are working or taking night classes and aren't able to be there every week. But, in spite of that, every week we still have great discussions and enjoy spending time with each other.
We finished the book of James tonight. It has been a great journey, in both our Wednesday study and our college group, to read through this book. For being such a short book, James is jam-packed with hard-to-hear but need-to-hear truths.
As we read through the fifth chapter tonight, I enjoyed listening to the discussion around me. The thing I love about smaller groups is that everyone seems to feel a lot more at ease sharing their opinions. I have so enjoyed watching the students in this group grow over the last 7 months. To hear the things they've learned from the passage and to see the lightbulb click on behind their eyes is so exciting to me. And tonight was no different.
I think one of the biggest things they walked away with tonight was found in James 5:16:
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
And also verses 19-20:
My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
I don't think it had ever really occurred to them how important it is to have people in your life that you can openly discuss your struggles with and ask for prayer, accountability, and guidance from. It was so great for me to see how excited they were at this concept.
I think it's truly freeing to be that open with another human being. God knows every single thought we think, every time we screw up, and every time we hurt over our sins...and yet, many times, we think we can hide from Him and He won't see it (which is ridiculous, but we still do it all the time). But when another person knows, it's that much harder to hide from it and pretend like it's not there.
There are very few people in my life that know about my struggles, past and present. I definitely try my best to hide the ugly parts of my life from people. But those that do know, those I have shared openly with, I have such a different bond with. I think it's because they know the real me, the true me, the WHOLE me...not just the me I let everyone see. It's so freeing to be that humble with someone, knowing that they want the best for you, and want to help you succeed in your walk. I am so thankful for those amazing people in my life.
I love watching these students experience a break through in their walks with Christ. It's so encouraging and it draws me much closer to the arms of my Savior.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Dirty Dishes
I think I've realized recently how anal retentive I really am.
I guess I never saw myself as being OCD. I mean, I know that I like to do things a certain way, but I guess I never saw it as being anal or obsessive. I guess this all dawned on me yesterday as I was doing the dishes.
While I was sick this weekend, Josh had helped me out by loading up the dishwasher and making me food and such. There were more dishes in the sink yesterday, so I checked the dishwasher to see how much more I could put in there. But when I opened it up, I couldn't help but notice the way he'd loaded it. The sharp knives were interspersed between the rest of the silverware, the glass cutting board was in there, and he'd put the measuring cups in the silverware spots. While none of these things are horrible, I immediately pulled everything out and re-arranged them the way I would have loaded them. I hand washed the glass cutting board, put all the sharp knives in one of the silverware slots, and put the measuring cups on the top shelf in the dishwasher. I then proceeded to clean up the rest of the kitchen and put everything back in its 'place'.
But I guess the more I thought about it, the more I realized how silly it is for me to be so insistent on certain things being done my way. It wouldn't have hurt any of those items to be washed the way Josh had arranged them. They still would have come out clean and ready for their next use. And then I began to think about how similar this instance is to my relationship with God.
I insist on doing things my way all the time with God. I do whatever I can to make sure things happen the way I want them to...and when something goes wrong, I go to God and ask Him to fix it for me. Whereas if I just let things go and let things happen the way He wants them to, everything would come out great. Just like the dishes in the dishwasher still would have come out great the way Josh put them in there.
Isn't it amazing how God uses the little things in life to teach us lessons? If only I would learn this lesson and not have to keep reliving it all the time. Letting go and losing control...and letting God take over.
This also helped me a lot this week:
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. (James 4:13-17 NIV)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Changes
2010 has definitely proven to be a year full of changes...and we're only in the four month!
I have already spent many fun hours this year listening to my friends and family talking excitedly about the changes taking place in their lives...new places to live, new relationships, babies on the way, new jobs, new and repaired relationships with God...it's so exciting to me! I love hearing about these changes and being able to be a part of them.
It has me thinking about the changes I've personally experienced in the last year and the changes I need to continue to experience. So many times, I find myself either being worried about things I can't and shouldn't worry about, being frustrated and upset at the actions of others that I cannot change, or pre-judging people without truly knowing who they are or why they act the way they do. I am more aware of these faults in myself as I'm learning more and more of what it means to truly follow Christ and live the way He wants me to. I'm learning to bite my tongue when I so desperately want to react to something someone says to me that I do not agree with or think is wrong. I'm learning the right way to respond to those situations, even if it means a confrontation is in order.
I'm also learning more of what it means to be a Godly wife. I always think I'm doing a good job, but then I get slapped across the face with a Godly truth that I have not been living out. I've been getting a lot of slaps from God like that lately...and I'm glad. I definitely need them.
We have been going through James in both my Wednesday Bible study and the college group Josh and I lead. We went through the first part of chapter 4 last week, which hits me so hard in so many different ways. One part that really stands out to me is:
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor? (vs. 11-12)
I know there are many times, whether I am reading something someone posted on Facebook or listening to someone talk to me in person, when I instantly judge what they said. Sometimes it is for selfish reasons that I judge, while other times it is because I think what they are saying does not line up with what God would want. But no matter why I judge, I know I shouldn't react when I first read or hear something. Whether what someone is doing is wrong or not, my first reaction will probably always be more hurtful than helpful. I have to step back and think about what the right response would be...whether I should even open my mouth or not. Just as it says earlier in James:
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. (3:9-10)
I do not want to praise God and then say something horrible about someone. I want my words to come from God, to be the things He'd want me to say, not the things I think should be said. Sometimes that will mean that I will need to confront someone in love, while other times it will mean just keeping my mouth shut and pushing the feelings aside. Whatever the result, I have to learn to go to God first before I react.
Being a grown-up is no fun sometimes. But other times, it is such a fun ride.
I have already spent many fun hours this year listening to my friends and family talking excitedly about the changes taking place in their lives...new places to live, new relationships, babies on the way, new jobs, new and repaired relationships with God...it's so exciting to me! I love hearing about these changes and being able to be a part of them.
It has me thinking about the changes I've personally experienced in the last year and the changes I need to continue to experience. So many times, I find myself either being worried about things I can't and shouldn't worry about, being frustrated and upset at the actions of others that I cannot change, or pre-judging people without truly knowing who they are or why they act the way they do. I am more aware of these faults in myself as I'm learning more and more of what it means to truly follow Christ and live the way He wants me to. I'm learning to bite my tongue when I so desperately want to react to something someone says to me that I do not agree with or think is wrong. I'm learning the right way to respond to those situations, even if it means a confrontation is in order.
I'm also learning more of what it means to be a Godly wife. I always think I'm doing a good job, but then I get slapped across the face with a Godly truth that I have not been living out. I've been getting a lot of slaps from God like that lately...and I'm glad. I definitely need them.
We have been going through James in both my Wednesday Bible study and the college group Josh and I lead. We went through the first part of chapter 4 last week, which hits me so hard in so many different ways. One part that really stands out to me is:
Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor? (vs. 11-12)
I know there are many times, whether I am reading something someone posted on Facebook or listening to someone talk to me in person, when I instantly judge what they said. Sometimes it is for selfish reasons that I judge, while other times it is because I think what they are saying does not line up with what God would want. But no matter why I judge, I know I shouldn't react when I first read or hear something. Whether what someone is doing is wrong or not, my first reaction will probably always be more hurtful than helpful. I have to step back and think about what the right response would be...whether I should even open my mouth or not. Just as it says earlier in James:
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. (3:9-10)
I do not want to praise God and then say something horrible about someone. I want my words to come from God, to be the things He'd want me to say, not the things I think should be said. Sometimes that will mean that I will need to confront someone in love, while other times it will mean just keeping my mouth shut and pushing the feelings aside. Whatever the result, I have to learn to go to God first before I react.
Being a grown-up is no fun sometimes. But other times, it is such a fun ride.
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