An {Update} on the Baby Front

For those that haven't been following my blog very long, I shared my story here, as well as on Casey's blog here, about my issues with infertility (I still cringe a little typing out that word).

It's been a little over three years since I stopped taking birth control...and I still don't have a baby.

And, surprisingly? I'm actually pretty ok with it.

There are still days that I long so badly to be a mother. I mostly get that itch when I'm holding one of my nieces, or see a cute baby at church or in the store. But there are also many days that I don't think about it at all.

And while this scared me quite a bit at first, because I thought I was losing the desire altogether to be a mother, I really don't believe this is the case.

I think I'm just finally learning to be content with where my life is right now.


I've said multiple times in the past couple of years that if we had a baby, we wouldn't be able to do half the stuff that we've done (serving projects, overnight retreats, late night hang outs with our friends, etc.)...but I don't think I really believed that and meant it until now.

I seriously have been taking the time to really evaluate my life and what's important to me...and I've seen the things I've been able to accomplish and do. I would not have been able to do very many of them at all (or at least, not in the same way) if I had a small child right now.

While God knows this is still a very big desire of mine, He also knows what's ultimately best for me.

And, right now, I think that where He has us and what He has us doing is best...better than having a baby (at least until that changes, of course).

As far as the technical side of things, we are not pursuing any kinds of treatments or help or testing of any sort at the moment. We really feel strongly that for now, we will just wait things out and see what happens.

If you would have told me three years ago that in three years from that point, I still wouldn't have a baby, I might have fainted. But, having lived the past three years, I'm really ok with it.

I guess I'm really learning that God truly does know what's best for us. Even when we can't see it for ourselves. Even when we are so blinded by the deep desires and longings of our hearts that we refuse to see anything else...His way is always best.

And, as of right now, I am totally ok with that.

Discipling

As I mentioned in this post, I had to apologize to some women in my life for my failings with them.

One of the things I've been learning a lot about lately is the importance of discipleship.

Not only am I supposed to have someone (or multiple people) discipling me and helping me grow...but I need to be discipling others and helping them grow.

In fact, Jesus calls us at the end of Matthew to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" (Matthew 28:19, NIV).

We should be walking so closely with those in our lives that we are constantly teaching and encouraging them to be more like Christ.

While it may seem impossible, especially in the midst of our busy society, it is absolutely necessary. It's something we need to make time for. It's something that should be so important to us, something we are passionate about.


One of the reasons I know discipleship is so important is because it's something Jesus did. He chose a select few to follow Him closely, to learn from Him, and to then go out and do the same with others. While He of course taught the crowds that followed Him as well, it was the 12 that He really devoted the majority of His time to. It's extremely important that we do the same.

It will be lived out differently in each of our lives, but I'm sure there is someone or a couple of people that immediately come to mind that we should be teaching and encouraging in a much deeper way to follow Christ more closely. Or, even those who don't already have a relationship with Christ. If not, I would encourage you to begin praying about it. Pray that God brings people your way that He wants you to lead closer to Him. It may be tough, you may have to call them out on some things...but it will be worth it in the long run.

And, if you yourself are not being discipled, be praying for someone to come into your life that will do that for you. You may have to seek it out yourself. It definitely does not hurt to ask someone.

Failure

I fail way more often than I'd like to.

In fact, I sat down with a couple of other women yesterday and apologized to them for my failings.

It's really easy to get caught up in my own selfish wants and desires and forget that there are other people out there that are watching me...or need me...or desire to have a different relationship with me.

And, until I can get to the point where I start actually seeing people and where they are at, I'm never going to stop looking only at myself.

We were talking with our college group this week about how many times we fail in God's eyes, too. We constantly let Him down, and rebel against Him, and choose our own way instead of His.


But, the beauty of God? He forgives us, He still loves us, and He doesn't remember our failings. He doesn't hold them against us and He sees us through the eyes of His Son, Jesus.

I am so thankful I serve a God who still loves me in spite of me.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
(Romans 8:28, 31-32, 1-2 NIV)

Spring Forward

I am honestly really looking forward to spring.

Coming from a girl who loves winter with a passion, that's kind of an unexpected confession.

Maybe it's because we haven't had much winter-like weather this year.

Maybe it's because both Christmas and my birthday just didn't have the magic that they normally do for me.

Maybe it's because my expectations have been unrealistic and far too high.

Whatever the reason, I am looking forward to a new season.

(via creamaricrea on Pinterest, pinned by me)

A season full of promise and hope.

A season full of new blooms and new life.

A season full of love, resurrection, and the promise of more.

Maybe getting older and experiencing life in a different light is causing me to love things in a different way than I did before.

Or maybe I'm just learning to let go a little bit more.

Whatever the reason, spring can't get here fast enough...

Love and Photography

I have a beautiful friend that I've mentioned on here before that has recently developed a love for photography (no pun intended).

She has taken some really great pictures and I asked her around Christmastime if she would be able to take some pics of my hubby and I. Our schedules didn't coincide until the middle of February, but it was perfect timing...as it happened to fall right before our anniversary.

She and I both scoured Pinterest for some inspiration for poses. She came up with some great ideas on her own, too. And, we were all so very happy with the results.

Enjoy!

(Photo taken and edited by Elise)

(Photo taken and edited by Elise)

(Photo taken and edited by Elise)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken and edited by Elise)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me - this is the journal I wrote letters to my future husband in. I gave it to Josh on our wedding night. I started writing letters when I was sixteen)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

(Photo taken by Elise, edited by me)

I'm so very thankful we have these beautiful photos to cherish for years to come...and that they celebrate the four years we've been married.