EVERYONE is getting pregnant.
Seriously.
Ok, not everyone.
That is definitely an exaggeration.
But just this week, I found out two other FB friends are pregnant.
And, I have at least 6 other friends who are also expecting.
I am SO happy for them. Truly. I am so glad that God is choosing to bless their lives with a little bundle of joy...as many of them are having their first.
Yet...
I can't help but feel slapped in the face every time it happens. Is this some kind of sick joke? Does God really want me to suffer this much?
We are quickly approaching the two year mark of the day I stopped taking my birth control pills. We just hit our third wedding anniversary yesterday. And, I can't help but feel like I've been patient enough...and it should be my time now.
But...
Is that what God wants for me? To demand that my timing is better than His? The CREATOR of the universe? The One who knew me before I was even conceived?
A friend of mine posted this verse in her blog a couple of days ago...and it was in the chapter I was reading in Crazy Love this week. Coincidence? I think not...
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
(Jeremiah 1:5 NIV)
God set me apart for a purpose...HIS purpose. Why am I constantly trying to think that my purpose and my will are better than His? I know I will get pregnant when the timing is right...and yet...some days it's just so hard to hold onto that truth.
Oh Jesus, I really need Your help to be more patient...especially on these days when I want nothing but my own will. Help me learn to trust You more and more.
2 comments:
I (obviously) can't say I understand what you are going through.... but I can imagine it isn't easy. I know it is hard, but remember God's timing is always perfect.
A really good friend of mine in Manteca has been trying for like 4 years... If you are interested, she is an amazing woman of God, and I think the two of you would get along great and maybe having a person who knows what you are going through might help? I can send her a message and get you connected. =) let me know. I'll be praying for you! ((hugs))
I discovered your blog by accident. I feel your pain. I know this was over a year ago for you, but this pain is fresh for me. My best friend has just had a baby, and 7 of my close friends are pregnant. I don't want to be jealous or bitter, and I fight and pray against it EVERYDAY. I was 5 days late this month and then I got my period and I felt like THAT WAS A SICK JOKE and WHY WOULD GOD ALLOW THAT!? I am really struggling with this and know that I need to stop wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, but its easier said than done. Thanks for your honesty and courage.
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